Tag Archives: comedy

Lampooning of Rob Van Vuuren

ROB VAN VUUREN – Actor / Writer / Director / Comedian / Presenter / better known as Twakkie from Corne and Twakkie’s Most Amazing Show to those stoners and students out there….

In honour of his birthday (last month), we are proud to announce, The Comedy Roast of Rob Van Vuuren….

Well, The “What would be called a Roast if Comedy Central hadn’t copyrighted the wording so we shall call it the LAMPOONING of Rob Van Vuuren”… coz that sounds more impressive. Somehow…. 

Host: – MARTIN EVANS (aka @hellpants)
Deus:
LOUW VENTER (aka Corne of The Most Amazing Show)
DEEP FRIED MAN (aka that guitar playing comic in a hat)
PAUL SNODGRASS (aka angry ginger comic)
SIV NGESI (aka Pretty Boy and my Roommate)
– GEORGE VAN DER SPUY (from Taxi Violence)

Win With Random High Fives

I’m giving away TWO sets of double tickets to the Roast of Rob.

Now I know you would have gone anyway, so that’s R100 bucks you save to buy more alcohol – and Mercury has pretty cheap drinks, so this is your ticket to a GREAT night.

All you have to do is tell me WHY you need to save R100 bucks or WHY you need to drink more, or WHY you need to laugh by ROASTING YOURSELF. The funniest roast wins… not the most emo.

(No one needs to play the blood violin)

Enter by TWEETING ME with the Hashtag #RoastOfRobVanV or leaving a comment on this post.

See you tomorrow night.

*roasting high five*

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Black! Magic! Woman! Comedy Tour

Two Comedians and one Comedy Magician in a car for 7 hours… roadtripping to Mossel Bay, George, Knysna and Plettenberg Bay as part of our “Black Magic Woman” Garden Route Comedy Tour.

*you think you know. but you have no idea – this is MY diary of the roadtrip*

KG, Marcel and I left the Mother city at around 10am on an overcast Wednesday morning… taking the more scenic N1 route through Robertson we bopped along to my outdated and very scratched CDs that were remixing themselves into dubstep with all the jumps.

Who buys CDs after 1999? Not me – evidently. The boys are just lucky that I spared them from the abundance of Westlife and Backstreet Boys albums in my CD folder. Safetly nestled there since the days of my high-school obsessions.

Luckily I do still buy LOCAL CDs post “Mp3 apocalypse” era, so there were a few modern additions. The most popular CD of the trip turned out to be local legends The Dirty Skirts with ‘Homewrecker’ playing on repeat as part of our evening amp up ritual. “Let’s punch a hole in this Saturday night!”

Somewhere between Riversdale and Montagu we were stuck behind a fancy Volvo with the license plate “BANTU-WP” amused by the choice of douche-plate, we were triple amused as we overtook, by the fact that it was a WHITE GUY driving it. Bantu Van Der Merwe? Which begs the question… was it a stolen car? (We probably should have reported it instead of laughing our heads off.)

The first night at the swanky Bravo Lounge in Mossel Bay’s Casino went pretty well all considered. They’ve booked us to come back again which I guess is positive and speaks for itself. The venue is amazing, I wish we had more stages like that in Cape Town. It had a backstage, big screen TVs that showed our faces live around the walls and a nicely elevated stage.

Marcel during soundcheck on the Bravo Lounge Stage

KG killed with his normal consistency and Marcel was on top form as headliner. My own self critique says I did “Ok” as my first ever time hosting. My second set was much stronger than my opening bit, once my nerves had settled and the audience had got used to me. Hosting is a different experience but I’m glad I finally bit the bullet and attempted it. I have a long way to go, and lots to learn but it’s nice having 3 or 4 times on stage to try out different 5 -10 min sets all through the evening. Much more liberating to be able to work through all your material… however. It can backfire…

I did manage to offend a fair chunk of the (what I have since found out) was the bible belt with my “Guardian Angels are like Car Guards” closing rant. I had the audience with me right until that moment. And then you can’t abandon a bit in the middle so I pushed through it with one or two people killing themselves laughing, and the rest staring at me mutely. I had a middle aged woman berate me for my blaspheming after the show. *eye roll and face palm* I guess I’m just grateful I wasn’t showered with holy water. My jacket was dry clean only.

Honestly though. I did feel bad that I’d offended them. I’ve performed it in both Joburg and Cape Town with great success in the past. There was nothing blasphemous about my rant in my opinion. I do not negate the existence of angels (obviously, it’s my NAME) nor do I claim atheism in any avenue is accurate. I don’t intend to open up a religious debate, but I know in my heart that I’m not violating my beliefs and will leave it at that.

The silver lining is that I’ve now learnt that some bits DON’T always work, even if you have the audience on your side. And that’s invaluable. Will I ever learn when a certain bit is appropriate and another bit not? Probably not. But I suppose most of my comedy idols are offending someone, somewhere – so you can’t please all of the people all of the time.

Besides, one or two people in the audience were laughing. Hard. And to them I say a silent thank you and mental high five. *you get me*

KG, Angel, Marcel - Post show at the Bravo Lounge in Mossel Bay

Post show was full of lots of high fives, shots of Jagers and chats. We eventually made our way back to the big pimpin BEACH HOUSE accomodation (what what!) that Marcel’s family had lent us to give our pillows head.

KG on our Beach House Balcony in Glentana near George

The following day we rolled into the lagoon town of Knysna to try and hustle a potential show.  Turns out sleepy Garden Route Towns don’t like to be hustled. Despite the 2 week warning we’d given them – they seemed completely unprepared for us.

The positive was that we got to meet and greet all the ‘hot’ venues and have canvassed the way for comedy in the future. These towns have never considered stand-up as an entertainment option and there is a great niche to be carved for the Cape Town comics to create a viable circuit up there… watch this space.

Thursday night was the gig we were all looking forward to: Zanzibar in George.

We're Big in George baby - KG

After a day of hard hustle we (rather exhaustedly) rolled into the long narrow venue (that is made out of a train carriage) to be greeted by high energy, cheap drinks and very excited faces. The club had set out the perfect layout of about 10 rows of chairs stage middle and then tables toward the back. Each table was pre-booked and even had signs with our poster on them.

Our faces on the tables.

It was one of those awesome packed gigs where the crowd starts cheering and laughing as soon as you open your mouth. They heckled, and then killed themselves laughing as you shot down the heckler. It was a combination of a start of the long weekend, R5 a shot alcohol and a small town who was stoked to have some different entertainment. Some of the kids even came up to me afterwards to say it’s the first live comedy they’d ever seen in George. *aww*

All in all – we were treated like rock-stars. With shots being delivered on stage and lots of cheering. KG was undoubtedly the biggest rock-star of the night. (And I mean that both figuratively and literally) as the pure white crowd cheered anything he said with pep-rally like fervour. Even when he called them “mother fucking racists” and mistakenly addressed them as Mossel Bay, when they yelled ‘George’ he replied “Who the fuck is George?” to further cheers.

Marcel’s table tricks that he performed around the club after the show baffled the drunk kids AND myself and KG. That shit is impressive, yo. It’s like real magic.

The night ended like all good nights should. With us pretending to be in a car (complete with sound effects) as we walked through the 24hr McDonald’s drive-thru. Yes, George has a McDonalds. Can’t be all bad.

We rounded off the trip with a night stop at my childhood home in Keurboomsstrand outside Plettenberg Bay – to see my Nanna AND to check in with the Plett night clubs that we’d emailed to canvass the town for future gigs.

Sunset in Keurbooms.

Plett was friggen freezing, and crawling with cop-cars (oddly enough). Marcel dazzled my Nanna with his magic tricks, and my Nanna dazzled KG with her wit. (He has promised her a 5 min set to open for his show when he’s back in Plett… She’s 83 and totally up for it. haha, Betty White, watch your back)

Shout out to the late great Mitch Hedburg for making us die with laughter on his Comedy Central Special late that night as we gathered round my laptop to round off a pretty awesome and successful Comedy road trip.

We made the 7hr roadtrip back in one piece. KG revealed that he’d had a stash of awesome CDs so we jammed to Kanye, Hugh Masekela and Bob Marley under the pink skies.

Bob Marley under an African Sky

Thank you Garden Route, KG, Marcel, Marcel’s family, my Nanna and all the people in Mossel Bay and George who came out to show us love.

We’ll be back very soon.

*Black Magic Woman high five*

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The Great Trekkie

Not that I’m a star-trekkie, but it’s not a real ‘trek’ unless you consider lugging a fake Louis Vuitton handbag through customs as a feat as dangerous as those ox-wagons over the mountains…

JO’BURG I’m Coming for you.

I’m strapping my money to the inside of my bra (not coz I’m used to it being slid there by strangers, but to keep it safe from muggers…) and I’m heading up to the big smoke. The city of Gold… the Burg that is Jo (Middle name, Hannes)

Going to be performing comedy at a few venues up there as well as catching up on some face-time with a few long lost besties.

I’m excited….

Here is my Comedy schedule:

Thursday 17th November 2011 – RODIZIO restaurant in Bedfordview with Samoka Entertainment.

Friday 18th November 2011 – Joe Parker’s Comedy – Monte Casino, Fourways.

Tuesday 22nd November 2011 – Joe Parker’s Comedy – Monte Casino, Fourways.

Wednesday 23rd November 2011 – Bubba J’s – Boksburg.

Back in the Mother of all Cities:

Saturday 26th November 2011 – Synergy Live Festival – Comedy tent. Franschoek

Monday 28th November 2011 – Joker’s Comedy – Massimo’s, Main Rd, Plumstead next to Ocean Basket

Wednesday 30th November 2011 – Joker’s Comedy – Depasco’s/Sabrina’s c/o Kloof and Buitensingel Rd

Thursday 1st December 2011 – Jou Ma Se Comedy Club – The River Club, Observatory.

(If there are any gigs that you have or know of on other dates, Please contact me, especially on the 19th, 20th and 21st in Joburg.)

Below is a little youtube of me, talking nonsense about my comedy career. Or as I like to call it, a ME-Tube.

*Comedic High Five*

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Our First Time

Talking about my first time with two guys. (Right. That opening sentence should secure the hits from porn website browsers)

But, contrary to popular leaked internet videos, we’re not talking about THAT first time… our COMEDY first time. (Which had more tears and less video cameras… or was it less tears and more cameras? both ended in awkward silence.)

Me and fellow comedians, Rustum August and Shaun Jejane Hung out on Long street with Peter Sserwanga and his video camera.

*comedic high five*

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Rocked, Rolled (and smoked) those Daisies.


photo from channel24.co.za

Things I learnt at the Daisies 2011:

A bottle of apple juice in a campsite is probably pee.

A dam that sits in the sun all day is not necessarily going to be warm.

Black people can get sunburnt too, and are more likely to remember suncream.

Sometimes said black people get confused and buy after-sun lotion instead of suncream, thinking it’s the same thing.

If you wear a headband with flowers on it, people will automatically assume you are a real hippy.

Blackberries don’t get proper signal in hippy-land, resorting to phone calls and SMS only, just like it’s only the noughties.

It is harder to convince people that Angel is your “real name” when you are wearing a hippie head-band in a campsite.

Straw is itchy to sit on when you are wearing short-shorts. (This makes ‘roll in the hay’ not sound like as fun a past-time as it used to)

Ice Cream is a suitable breakfast food. So are hamburgers.

photo by Jonx Pillemer

People are pretty rad.

An entire campsite will wake up at 6am singing Shosholoza to go to the main stage and watch the Boks play Australia in our thousands at 7am.

Gathered at Dawn to support the Boks vs Australia.

Watching our Boks en mass.

National Pride knows no boundaries, neither does our collective indignation at Bryce Lawrence’s blind refereeing.

It is hard work performing stand-up comedy at a festival.

Shade is a wonderful thing.

photo by Jonx Pillemer

Toothbrushes are wonderful things.

Everything is better when it’s sunny.

It’s impossible NOT to lose a squeezy bottle. Three times.

#RTD11

As I write this, my thoughts are being drowned out by the sound of a construction crew, incessantly drilling through (what sounds like) impenetrable rock. Ah, home in the city. I woke up in my bed, with the high thread-count soft sheets and satin pillows hugging my achey body yet couldn’t help but miss the hard floor of a tent, awaking to the sound of drunk festival goers singing jovially as they made their way back through the campsite littered with beer cans to fall into a sweaty coma in the canvas tent-castles of Rocking the Daisies 2011. Give me drunken cat calls at 5am, queuing for a toilet, dirty drum and bass beats vibrating all night over construction workers and traffic at 7am anyday.

Sunrise over the dirty Daisies. (from my Blackberry)

Rocking the Daisies did just as it promised. It rocked my daisy. We were blessed with a face meltingly hot weekend this year and the infamous dam became a welcome highlight, with imported beach sand around the Mainstay ‘beach-bar’ managing to mask MOST of the devil thorns from raping our soft, winter fresh little feet.

Mainstay Bar and Main Stage from behind. (Photo by Jonx Pillemer)

I am writing this blog to catch the last fragments of memories before they fall through my sieve like mind. (Sieve-like? My housemate’s name is Siv, and I do ‘like’ him. So that’s an accurate description. right?)

Dairy of the Daisies:

Driving to the Daisies with Dropkick Murphy pumping in our air-conditioned car – watching the countryside rush past, with fresh green buds on all the vineyards and purple spring flowers colouring all the fields we arrived rip-roaring into the Artist accreditation section to pick up our VIP armbands and right to walk with that extra bit of SWAG that comes with having an armband saying “Artist” on it. Of course, we could invent ANY type of career into that, as my friend who was “the back up guitarist for Civil Twilight” soon discovered. Girls love a guitarist, (it appeared). *high five*  They didn’t need to know that we were the lowliest of the Stand-Up comedians, brought there to only play one little gig – at midday to a very stuffy room full of a hungover Saturday crowd, recovering from the Friday night that Rocked all our faces off.

photo by Jonx Pillemer

Things I remember of Friday:

I arranged to borrow a tent from the infamous Dan Nash, On unpacking it and figuring out which pole went into what hole and how many times you can say “push and Pull” and other dirty innuendos (giggidy!) while pitching a tent (giggidy) I happily discovered that it was huge! (giggidy), like a castle. Bigger than my apartment in Korea was. #Win

My monster tent, Dwarfing Comedian Peter Ssweranga's little Super Mario Mushroom looking tent.

The comedians hosted by Rob Van Vuuren rocked the comedy stage hard on Friday. They were: Dusty RichKGPeter Sserwanga and Thomas Gumede. (If memory serves correct… which is not the most reliable assumption)

Up at the main-stage bar I realised that Tequila was a bad choice.

I bought a festival tshirt that had the lineup (including my name) printed on the back. I spent the rest of the night trying to show people my name, on my back, in tiny writing, whilst attempting to stand still. #fail

I met and bumped into a lot of people that had to re-introduce themselves and re-bump into me the next day.

I wore red socks as part of Red Sock Friday.

I remember a few camera flashes in my face. (Oh god, those photos will probably come back to haunt me)

People crashed the Jack Parow band on stage… like a photo-bomb, but on the large scale. They were thrown off by security to Boo’s from the crowd. (at the security for killing the gees, not at the stage crasher)

Jack Parow's stage bomber.... epic.

I called a time-out after midnight and went back to my tent, like a ninja. If ninjas sing loudly, high-five everyone they walk past and drunk-dial sleeping non-Daisyfied Boys. #NinjaFail

On waking up at 7am, I discovered that neighbours in campgrounds are friendly people.

Sunrise over the Campsite.

The Media guy who flew a camera-helicopter gave me an orange, (in a marvellous display of ‘throw and catch’ that would have made Jonty Rhodes proud.) The  ‘A Brother Moves On’ band shared their sunscreen with me and offered to share tequila – at 7am. I did not repeat the bad decision though.

You know it was an awesome night when you look into your friend’s tent to make sure he made it back ok – and you see a stuffed teddy bear back-pack thingy wrapped around his head. #win

The monster lines at our toilet and showers revealed that the ‘plebs’ had broken down the fence into VIP and were happily raping the facilities. Gotta love equality. The natives were restless.  But I shared Mapodile Mkhabela’s wisdom: “Who needs to shower already. It’s only day 1”

I had softserve ice-cream for breakfast (with sprinkles!!) and it was “game on” again (Also thanks to the free Wrigley’s gum that they kept handing out – minty fresh mouths make life better.)

In a nice ‘pay-it forward’ role reversal, we raped the facilities and shade gazebos of the more upper class Klippies and Cola hotel. These people took Glamping to another level with perpetually filled with ice coolerboxes under gazebos, tents with REAL BEDS and duvets in them and ample space. We shared the shade and the cooler boxes because,…we didn’t give them a choice.  (And they didn’t even have a fence to break down.)

Abusing the Shady Klippies and Cola Area.

My comedy was at 12 midday, which felt like hours after we woke up. In the heat of the day, I was impressed to see so many people attending, but it soon became evident that the heat mixed with the hangover made for a tough crowd. (Not to mention my best friends, front row en masse – launching a campaign to convince the crowd not to laugh when I came out. “She’s an actress and a model already, she has enough going for her. Don’t laugh” was apparently the brief. lol. With friends like these, who needs prozac? *blink*  )

Comedy at the Lemon Tree Theatre

All in all it went well. And according to a random French guy overheard in the campsites “The girl comic, she had jokes” (said in a thick nonchalant accent) A special shout out to Peter Sserwanga for stepping up and hosting the daytime comedy when our other host got the times wrong and wasn’t at the fest… Peter thought he was already finished and had started the day with beer. This made for amusing comedy (in the non-conventional sense). What a trooper.

Brendan Murray killing on Sunday morning.

Marcel, the comedic Magician was up after me and succeeded in freaking out all of the aforementioned best friends on their shroom trips with his magic… messing with their minds. (Revenge is sweet)

Jeremy Loops (a fellow Somerset Westian – my hometown) was my favourite performance of the main stage. Maybe I’m biased coz I know him, or maybe it’s coz he freaking rocked and got the crowd dancing and carefree in that ‘throw your arms up and twirl like a happy hippy’ kinda way.

The Converse stage on the walk to the tents featuring Deep Fried Man and Tol Ass Mo singing songs improv was another highlight. ‘We should nationalise the Daisies! But why? Because, we can! Because we like own the country … somehow’

Deep Fried Man and Tol Ass Mo (Photo from my BB)

Most of Saturday was spent socialising in shady areas with friends, making fun of a guy who looked just like Matt Damon. (MATT DAAAMON!!) Then the evening comedy was up with Paul Snodgrass hosting, my roommate Siv Ngesi killing, Rob Van Vuuren pulling out a genius and hilarious set and Mum-Z wrapping up a killer line up. All these guys dominated.

Civil Twilight and Band of Skulls were the back track to the drinking at the main stage later that night – and it all gets hazy.

Shout out to No Regret Friday for sponsoring and keeping the reality check in our minds.

Sunrise over the Daisies (from my BB)

Rad people that I can remember from the Daisies who are also on the Twitter-interwebs: @NatalieRoos @BangersandNash @JordanLSKY @YesWeCrann @LolaByTheSea @ZarahRobertson @Mapodile

Comedians: @iamSivN @Solidgame @KGComic @MumZ @Snoddie @DeepFriedMan @Robvanvuuren @DustyRich @TolAssMo @Marcel_Perform @ThomasGumede and me @YesReallyAngel

If anyone knows of any photo-blogs from the Daisies please let me know. I didn’t take a camera.

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Standing Up, Making Jokes.

This is my random high five for myself – Self high five. Like masturbation, but I’m less likely to do this in public. ;-)

I had to grow a pair of lady-balls, and I had to let them swing low. I was booked (without much say in the matter) into a stand-up comedy lineup. I spent the few days prior, sweating profusely, crying, rocking back and forth in the shower (to clear away all the sweat) and then procrastinating and ignoring it.

It’s all a blur but I found myself on stage, holding a microphone, in front of a packed house. (That part was good)

Aside from the possessed hand, all went according to plan...

I told my first joke, they chuckled (that was great). Then I told my follow up joke – they laughed, a lot (that was amazing). By the time I delivered my first punchline and they cheered… well, I needed to change my lace panties, because I was pretty much orgasming right there on the stage.

Here is a teeny-tiny snippet of that surreal moment. Taken from the middle of the set. I can’t put my whole routine up. Partly because it makes me cringe, as I bumble and flap my hands far too much… and partly because I don’t want to show ALL my jokes, coz then I’ll have to write brand new material – and let’s be honest. My shower hasn’t recovered from the last sob-fest of terror.

*click this link, I promise it just opens the video, I can’t seem to embed it on the page – but it wont redirect you anywhere dodgy*
http://www.facebook.com/v/10150700949425433

Since this, I have been booked to perform at Beefcakes on 31st July 2011.

*Self Gratifying High Five to me – and for everyone who gave me moral support, and fake laughed.*

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