Monthly Archives: March 2012

Savanna – It’s Dry But you can spray it.

Well, isn’t this just a hilarious little leak. Spotted first by Life is Savage from the headquarters of Savanna themselves.

Looks like the alcohol brand who’s famous slogan is “it’s dry but you can drink it” have taken their DRY to another level. Savanna deodorant. WHAT!?

Ok, i have a few questions. Number one. Does it smell like apples and lemons? or alcohol? Is it for men or woman? Because demographically woman buy Savanna in bars more often, but men like alcohol more.

Also. It’s dry, but you can DRINK it – now get’s associated with sweat? Eww Savanna, ewww.

Imagine other beers jump on board.

Hunters Dry – well that’s probably affiliated with Axe… gettit? Coz Hunters use axes to kill the big bad wolf. Har dee har.

Black Label – Black like me?

Castle Lager – Smell like a prince?

Amstel – well… I’m running out of ideas here.

Perhaps Savanna just got too drunk and thought this would be a good idea? STOP SAVANNA, there are lot’s of people with “i love whats-her-name” tatoos who can vouch for the stupidity of drunk decisions. However. It does show the brand has a sense of humour.

But we knew that already.

Savanna's respose when cricket captain, Graeme Smith announced his engagement. Classic!

As a teen I used to collect their magazine adverts and stick ’em on my bedroom wall. Thus further honing my comedic brain… and now I’m a comedian… and Savanna’s a beauty product producer? How times change.

*Savanna. It’s dry but you really shouldn’t sniff it.*

Stick to Comedy and I’ll stick to Drinking your alcohol.

That’s symbiosis. Biology high five!

APRIL FOOL’S!

Nice one Savanna. check out their reveal here

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find a 29 letter word. #29before29

Well, thanks to google and my amazing motor-skill with fingers and keyboards, this is probably the easiest ‘to do’ on my 29 list.

There is a 29 letter word it is the longest (non technical) word in English: Floccinaucinihilipilification. I didn’t copy paste that. I typed it out. there are a lot of ‘i’s. How might one pronounce that (without getting drunk first) Flocc -in -auci-nihili-pili-fication

I especially like the middle. “Nihili-Phili”. It sounds like a tribal war-cry.

What does it mean? It means the act of estimating something to be worth so little it’s practically valueless. So to save typing 29 letters you could synonym it with “Zimbabwean Dollar”.

The GOOD news is that there is also a 45 letter word. So I can play this game for quite a few more birthdays. TECHNICALLY there is also a scientific word for the protein titin, that is 189 819 letters long… so I could even become a vampire and play this game on birthdays!

28 more things to do on the list. *High Five*

 

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29 things before 29 years.

It’s my 29th birthday in 29 days. To celebrate my last birthday in my twenties, and because 9 is my lucky number. I am writing a list of 29 things I have never done and ‘should have done’ before I’m 29.

99 Red Balloons… 29 Pink ones.

I will try to get one done a day and blog about the experience. Let’s try and make the end of my 20’s memorable. (then i’ll do a proper list of 30 big things to do before I’m 30…)

red balloons

In no particular order:

1. Get a facial

2. Watch James Bond movies

3. Walk down a busy street with 29 helium balloons.

4. Bake a cake from scratch.

5. Test drive a luxury sports car.

6. Learn ten basic things in sign language.

7. Learn how to play poker.

8. Go to a ballet or Opera.

9. Ride the My Citi Bus.

10. Shoot a handgun.

11. Find the perfect pair of jeans.

12. Learn the difference between names of wine.

13. Help an old lady across the street.

14. Write a Haiku.

15. Make a list reminiscing my 28 previous birthdays.

16. Choose my 29 Favourite songs of all time.

17. Plant a potplant.

18. Meditate for 29 mins.

19. Join a protest to Parliament. Or make own protest.

20. Read in the park.

21. Bake cookies for the neighbours and make friends with them.

22. Make a custom t-shirt.

23. Find a street called ‘Angel’ and take a photo.

24. Reconnect with a long lost old friend.

25. Feed a homeless person.

26. Find a 29 letter word.

27. Donate more than R100 to charity.

28. High Tea at Mount Nelson Hotel.

29. Be on the cover of a magazine.

*Birthday high five*

P.A.R.T. Why? Because We're running outta years to do it!

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old school funny Angel

So, I was googling my own name. WHAT!? (Oh admit it, you all do it.) And I stumbled across my myspace. *snort* oh myspace. remember that?  haha. What a joke.

Anywho. On this myspace *chortle* i found this old ‘fun’ survey that we used to fill in when we were bored at our deskjobs and the internet was still new and novel and we put all of the info in the world up there. Well this is from 6 years ago. (myspace was around SIX years ago!? Holy moly. time flies.)

23 year old Angel was rather amusing. She has made (almost) 29 year old Angel laugh. This was years and years before I even considered being a comic. But she’s mental. Clearly. Perhaps i have regressed with age.

I have copy pasted it (with all its typos in tact) for my archive and your reading pleasure.

All you need to know about the info is I had a long term boyfriend at the time called Mike, who i reference. the rest is self explanatory.

*time machine high five 23 year old Angel*

23 Year old Angel.

Funny Random survey –

The letter A:
Are you available?: nope
What is your age?: 23
What annoys you?: being asked what my age is. hehe – no only kidding, that’s silly. potatoes with umbreallas on the back of tapdancing mice really annoy me.. i mean WHATS with the umbrella people…. ?

The letter B:
Do you live in a big house?: My mom’s house is big, my flat is fair enough sized for a 3 bedroomed place.
When is your birthday?:9th April

The letter C:
What’s your favorite candy?: Tempo chocolate, or any chocolate actually – also cherry flaovured anything.. and ice lollies that Jess buys… mmm!!!
Crushing?: Bones, teetch, babies skulls??? be more specific – EH what the hell, it’s all great
When was the last time you cried?: when santa left me underwear

The letter D:
Do you daydream?:sorry what, i wasnt concentrating?
What’s your favorite kind of dog?: the kind that doesnt bite back.
What day of the week is it?: Thursday

The letter E:
How do you like your eggs?: edible
Have you ever been in the emergency room?: yeh. silly silly, Naked chainsaws races may be fun, but they ARE risky.

The letter F:
Have you ever flown in a plane?: my uncle owns an airline. so that means you have to assume that not only have i flown, but im ALSO super cool – oooh, can’t touch this, da da da.
Do you use fly swatters?: just my tongue
Have you ever used a foghorn?: hehehe, ah man, its on my ‘to do’ list

The letter G:
Do you chew gum?: Gum, Gun, cyanide it’s all the same. right?
Do you like gummy candies?: well, only if all the teeth have been removed.
are u a giver or a taker? you got to give a little, take a little, let your poor heart break a little – thats the story of,…. that’s the glory of… (ok ok, i’ll stop)

The letter H:
How are you?: sperm met egg, thats how.
What’s your height?: as high as my hat. and shorter than my arms when they are up like THIIIIS.
What color is your hair?: shhhhh. no one really knows.

The letter I:
What’s your favorite ice cream?: with toffee and all the bits of the baby’s drool that i stole it from removed.
Have you ever ice skated?: yeh i have, im a pro, every winter here in africa we wait for the temperature to reach it’s all time low and hit the ponds, and…. get wet . (anticlimax, much)
Do you play an instrument?: i can click my mp3’s in winamp.

The letter J:
What’s your favorite jelly bean?: cherry
Have you ever heard a really hilarious joke? have u ever seen a mirror?
Do you wear jewelry?:a ring, since 2000, never taken it off… NO NO, stop crying boys, it’s not a wedding ring… hehe, it’s from my mom as a matric farewell thing.

The letter K:
Who do you want to kill?: hmmm, now im all pensive in a dark serial killer kinda way – if it was night time and i had a fendora and a spot light id be in an awesome film noir movie – BUT its not, and the FBI and little green men see everything. so… kill? (haha, awkward laugh) NO ONE! tee hee *shift eyes away*
Do you want kids?: thats an unfinished sentence, do i want kids to carry all my stuff, do i want kids to make me really cheap clothes in hot sticky little badly ventilated sweatshops…? i’ll get back to ya on that ;)

The letter L:
Are you laid back?: If Mike is feeling more assertive than me. ;)
When was your last kiss?: see above. haha.

The letter M:
Whats your favorite movie?: Titanic 3, but no ones seen it.
Do you still watch disney movies?:still? why wouldnt i? is… it…not…cool? WHAT?????
Do you like mangos?:MUNGO MUNGO – ah, yeh – i eat anything.. they dont call me anaconda for nothing *drops head* They really do call me anaconda — sigh — they are mean.

The letter N:
Do you have a nickname?:well, mike calls me stinky bitch whore… and everyone else calls me God. (you do too, i hear you — i hear EVERYONE and to answer ur last prayer- NO, you are different and everyone knows AND they are all laughing at you, RIIIIiiight now – ME TOO… whahahahahah!!!!
Whats your favorite number?: 9, coz its so much more intelligent than 8 and 7 just pissed me off the other day and 8025987425972435 is too long to remember. BUT I CAN
Do you prefer night over day?: *silly question* (That means i cant answer it.)

The letter O:
Whats your one wish?: WORLD PEACE!!! (done before ? ohok..) Me to be queen of EVERYTHING and have all the money and stuffs…
Are you an only child?: we are all but only mortals. and no, i have a brother – a big one and two beeeeeeeeeeg sisters.(twins)
Do you wish this was over? Well its more fun than dropping bricks on pidgeons… which is what i could be doing.. well, ive never done that, but it sounds pretty fun – actually more fun than this quiz – (added to ‘to-do’ list together with “blow fog horn – pref near people”)

The letter P:
What one fear are you most paranoid about?: Im not PARANOID!!! who have you been talking to? Who…WHO…!!! WHO… AHHAHAHAH TELL MEEEEE.. AAAAAh!
What are your pet peeves?: homeless people pretending they are hungry, please man, your only homeless not foodless, get a new sign!!!

The letter Q:
What’s your favorite quote?: “I think the worst time to have a heart attack would be during a game of Charades” (wahaha)

The letter R:
Do you think you’re always right?: THINK? no no, KNOW.
Whats a good reason to cry?: If your house burnt down and your husband left you and reversed over your foot and you screamed in pain, your neigbours hearing you scream, assumed a person from the mental assylm had escaped (again) so they leaned out and aimed a shotgun at your buttocks, and shoot you – then you sprint across town, hobbling on ur broken foot and fall off a bridge onto one of those huge barges that carry garbage and on the barge you see your dead dog that you THOUGHT had gone to go play on a farm with bunnies, and as you sit up a piece of scrap paper slaps you in the face and u pull it off and get a paper cut – that hurts – THEN u can cry – as you drift to be dumped with the rest of the garbage in the middle of the ocean…

The letter S:
Do you prefer sun or rain?: sun – or rain. (ambivilant much?)
Do you like snow?: aside from being cold, it would be ok – but i dont know if i could get over the ‘cold’ thing.

The letter T:
What time is it?: time to get a watch (dont u hate it when ppl say that?) nah – it’s 3.20pm
What time did you wake up?: 8.20am (i think)
When was the last time you slept in a tent?:oh, you know… that one time -no no, mike pitches tents all the time – teeeeeeee heeeeeeeee.

The letter U:
Are you wearing underwear?: …what the…? ….How did…?*blush* dooo dooo dooo *whistle*
Underwear or boxers?: DOOOOO DOOOOO DOOOOOO. !!!

The letter V:
Whats the worst veggie? the kind in a wheelchair (ooooh WAY harsh!)
Where do you want to go on vacation?: somewhere where i can exploit their poverty so that i may have favourable exchange rates and abuse all of their natural resources so that they might be able to feed their 7 kids and goat (so, indonesia or south america. then)
Where was your last vacation to?: Southbroom, KZN with Mike. oh no – it was St Helena up the West Coast. Also with Mike.

The letter W:
What’s your worst habit?: taking life too seriously (cant u tell)
Where do you live?: in my head.
What’s your worst fear?: you finding my head. i mean home.. i mean.. *pop*

The letter X:
have you ever had an x-ray?: No, i never did date a guy called Ray.
have you seen the x-games?: They used to be games? thats weird. what are they now – The most boring confusing, the x games. we used to have rules and play games BUT that’s a thing of the PAST ladies and gentle men.. watch as these x contederes .. dooo.. NOTHING.!!
do you own a xylophone? RUnning out of ‘x’s there are we tiger?

The letter Y:
Do you like the color yellow?: no need to ostracise a colour just because of its negative connotations (you yellow bellied lilly livered pussy!) — where does that come from anyway!?
What year were you born in?: 1983 the year of the PIG. dammit.
Whats one thing you yearn for?:cherry flavoured keyboards – i dont know why. the heart wants what it wants.

The letter Z:
Whats your zodiac sign?: Aries
Do you believe in the zodiac?: does the zodiac believe in ME?
What’s your favorite zoo animal?: Im not allowed to talk about that, they said that if i so much as mention it again then they WILL take legal action… sigh… but i just LOVE THEM SO MUCH, i cant help it…

*high five*

 

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2 girls 1 mic

The latest internet phenomenon: Two girls…. one…. MIC. *cough* what were YOU thinking? This is the latest epic high five moment in my life.

2 girls 1 mic

Kamini Pather and I have our very own radio show. On 2oceansvibe radio! Fridays from 1-3pm. #2girls1mic

We talk about topical subjects that amuse us, play songs that make us bop and mock each other for our differences. It’s the ‘not that kind of girl show’ where we laugh bawdily and talk candidly. After all – it’s internet radio, so that means. Not only can you listen to it anywhere in the world, but we have no censorship! (and no sponsorship – but we’re working on that). We will throw down F words from time to time and other words like Friday, Feline, Fiddlesticks, Fun, Flirt, Fornicate, and Fudge.

Yesterday was our first ever broadcast, live – with a webcam to point and laugh at us – and with lots of buttons, dials, keyboards and tabs on screens. It’s 2 girls 1 mic – they never said anything about all the knobs and  buttons!

But us savvy girls know how to push buttons, both in our relationships, love lives and radio lifes. And (much like in our relationships and love lives) sometimes we pushed the wrong button. But our smooth talking and fast thinking eased over the bumbles – like we try in real life.

We had the hilarious Tracy Klass in studio as a guest in our second half.

Back from her highly acclaimed and sold out one woman show ‘Klass Struggle’ in Joburg. She sashayed in, wearing full leopard print (or is it cougar print?) and brought us a celebratory bottle of Pongranz to toast our first ever show with a bang and pop.

.
Our other in studio guests were aKing band (who had just been announced as SAMA nominees for Rock Album of the year, the day before). They walked in like real rock-stars should and started popping bottles, causing kak and making us laugh.

The studio got a little chaotic with all the bubbly, humour and wit being flung about. And Kamini and I scrambled to get back on top of things – Like mountain climbers summiting Kili – we emerged victorious. A little dizzy, a little altitude sickness and a little sweaty from the stuggle… but victorious none the less. And on top of a mountain…

All in all I’d say it was a win of a first show. The podcast will be up soon so you can judge for yourselves. (and i used the term ‘judge’ loosely, don’t judge us. We’re new. )

Tune in next Friday 1-3pm here  — It’s Kamini’s turn to push buttons and turn dials. We should be better on our second time… and if not, we should be funny.

Follow the hashtag #2girls1mic or follow 2oceansvibe radio on twitter.

Or you could just follow Kamini and Me. (but you do that already…)

*high five*

2girls1mic NSFW. NOW safe for work.

All the amazing photos were taken by LynnD. Make up by MishtotheD. Hair by Scar.

*high five*

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moneysmart column: Budgucated

My latest column on moneysmart was all about reflecting on the budget challenge that I took part in.

Budgeting can be fiddly

If you didn’t notice the #budgetchallenge hashtag this week, or the multiple moneysmart Facebook posts asking for votes, popping up everywhere, then I don’t know what rock you’ve been hiding under – but I’d venture a guess that’s it’s somewhere past Limpopo.

The Budget Challenge was moneysmart’s latest brainchild where they made 10 journalists battle it out for 7 days. “Battle” you muse? Yes, the oldest, most gentlemanly type of battle. The kind that would make Shakespearean Merchants of Venice proud – a battle of financial wit (and a fair dose of social media – I think we’ve lost Shakespeare on that point)… Read More

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Greatest Party you ever had

Project X

The house party that went from good idea, to bad idea to awesome to epic.

I can’t believe I’m going to say this of an American teen flick but this was quite an intelligent movie. I don’t mean in any philosophical stretch of the imagination and not for lack of beer-bongs and boobs. But it wasn’t predictable. It was so far out of the box that the script and storyline stayed engaging throughout. I even laughed out loud at a few moments.

It’s done in that all too familiar (and frustrating) hand held format ala Blaire Witch. Which can create a little motion sickness from time to time, but honestly, that’s pretty in keeping with the motion sickness of the characters. It’s a spiral down a hilarious tunnel of mayhem. Not in the cringe and wince way, mind you. Hollywood so often misses with this style of humour. In my opinion, this was a hit. A hit and run.

I’m not going to spoiler anything for you – I knew very little about this movie when I walked into the cinema other than ‘it’s about the greatest party you’ve ever had.’ And yes. That it is. An epic highschool party that just gets blown out of proportion – we’ve all been there. Literally.

Here’s the trailer, but it has a lot of spoilers in it, in my opinion. So watch it, but try and forget it.

I had a party like that once. That party, (true story) was brought up to me YESTERDAY in a hair salon – by someone I haven’t seen in years. She said “oh, Angel we were just talking about you last night and reminiscing about that Halloween party you threw in ’99.” Yes. 1999. Back when we were still scared of the millennium bug and Y2K wasn’t a laughable term. Before twitter and *gasp* Facebook too.

Hell, back when  I had just moved to the small town from Joburg and was cool because I actually owned a cellphone.

I threw a party 13 years ago, and people are STILL talking about it. (Please hold while I brush this dirt off my shoulder).

It wasn’t a particularly ‘cool’ party. Just a bunch of teenagers running around on Halloween. Boys dressed as girls, girls dressed as sluts. The usual. I had made the fatal flaw (in a small town with 7 high schools and no night-clubs, where every kid is choking for entertainment) of announcing the plans for the party 2 weeks early, instead of the-day-before as was usual etiquette. The word spread from high-school to high-school like wild fire, and that fire WAS wild.

I was just excited because I had planned to throw an “American Style” Halloween party. With Jack-o-lanterns, creepy cardboard cut-outs of serial killers silhouetted in the windows, fairy-lights and hay-bales.

Who had I planned this brain-child with? Oh, well like all good Teen movies: it was my neighbor and best friend who was a straight male – of course. We obviously alternated between being secretly in love with each other for years before we stopped talking altogether. (What, they never even kiss? I wouldn’t watch THAT movie.)

The jack-o-lanterns were lit, the 25 litre buckets of alcoholic punch were filled (x 5). The garage was emptied out. My mother, might I add, was on board with all of this – and thought that ‘apples’ were a great party food to dish out *rolls eyes* I had strictly informed her NOT to let anyone inside the house (my mother being ‘uncool’ in highschool, was somewhat of a Rookie in the ‘rules’ of a party).  Of course, this rule got broken and the Orange handprint from the Oros painted guy is still there. We managed to get the champagne off the ceiling… and shoeprints.

I employed my younger fast-talking neighbor (from the other side) to be the ‘doorman’ – we gave him a fake guestlist and he had to turn away people he didn’t recognize, or people in lower grades. He, in turn – employed one of the first team rugby guys (dressed in a coconut bra and hula skirt) to be his ‘bouncer’ they manned my garden gate with a clipboard and fake radios… charging entrance to my house. 8th graders paid more, people not in costume paid more. I’m not sure. I wasn’t there.  All I DO know is that at the end of the night,

After the cops came for the third time…

After all the postboxes on my street had been blown up by fire-crackers.

After some guy peed on a neighbour’s bay window – while the family sat inside in their TV room, watching him.

After another neighbor came RUNNING at a teenager WITH AN AXE. (a real axe) and chopped his finger. Not off, but I saw it, it wasn’t pretty. (in the neighbours defense, the kids were swarming his house like a zombie apocalypse, maybe he had a horror movie flashback. Or maybe he was just blaze-drunk)

After a guy fell off the same place on my balcony, three times. (Landing on different people.)

And after my brother had tried to calm the cops: dressed as a rasta, complete with dread-wig and REAL marijuana leaves (from a plant in OUR garden).

Finally the cops sent vans to drive all the kids home, and mostly to laugh at all the drunk boys in high heels.

After all that, my little younger neighbor came in with a BUCKET of money from charging dumb-kids at the gate. A full bucket. It was a couple of grand!  We used it to buy 8 concert tickets. And 13 years of fame.

I’ll take it.

#GreatestPartyYouEverHad

Not my real house. this is a re-enactment.

*high five*

What’s the Greatest party YOU’VE ever had? Tweet it with #greatestpartyyoueverhad and follow  @ZA_ProjectX for hilarious updates.

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