“You have to kiss a lot of frogs…. until you’ve kissed a thousand frogs.”
It’s that time of year again. When singles are forced to decide whether they are happy or sad to be single because all the couples adopt an air of smugness and every mall assails you with tacky pink and red ribbons, hearts and sugar-highs.
Valentines Day. *ugh*
I’m a happy, bubbly optimistic person all of the time. I’m not a cynic. But love has never been kind to me. This puts me in a conundrum. it’s valentine’s day. I want to yell ‘LOVE IS FULL RETARD’ and run away doing the ugly cry. But then you see. I am not really a cynic, like I said. And I’m not one of those bah-humbug people. Although, I’m really starting to doubt that I’ll ever be lucky in love. I’m certainly not lonely. I love my life. But I am trying to cultivate a disbelief in this fairytale love ‘crap’ ideal.
As many of you know, I often think of my little 6 year old self. I try to live each day to make her proud. I try to live my dreams. She would be very disappointed to see how I had given up on the notion of a prince. (although, come to think of it, she’d be very disappointed that I didn’t marry MacGuyver or Knight Rider. Knight Rider was the Hoff. What the hell did 6 year Old Angel know?!) It’s FUNNY to be anti-love and as a comedian I do embrace that. But that’s not really who the little girl in me is.
True story. Every wish i made as a child was to fall in love. Every single one. Birthday candles. Shooting stars. Lady bugs. Eyelashes and dandelions. We even had a copper frog statue on our entrance hall table (God knows why my mother owned that) but i would kiss it every morning on my way out to school, just in case. I went to an all girls’ school, I’m not sure who I thought I’d find. Perhaps it would have been easier had I just preferred Joanie to Johnny. But alas. That’s never been the side of the hockey-field I wanted to play on.
I guess my wishes all came true. I got pretty good at falling in love. But falling, by definition – hurts you. And boy oh boy. If you think a scraped knee is sore, Dear Six Year Old Angel, wait ’till you have a broken heart.
In spirit of Vday, I shall reflect on all the ghosts of Valentine’s past:
I’m usually single on Valentine’s Day. In fact, last year I ended things with a guy ON Vday because he wanted to get more serious… and I really didn’t. The year before that in 2010, was one of the only years I had someone.
Everlast? Not quite
I was all loved up with big batting lashes around cupid-infected eyes. He gave me bubble-gum pink boxing gloves (aww) And took me into the magaliesberg (awww) after brunch with his family (awww) then we abseiled through the canyons (aww) and had a picnic in the wilderness. (double awww.) What a keeper. Yeah…. No….. He wasn’t…. Clearly.
In 2009 i lived in Korea and the guy I was casually seeing was in the US Army, He had flu that weekend and quarantined himself for the weekend. So I went out and got drunk with my friends. But I did that every weekend anyway. A few weeks later we quarantined each other from the relationship.
One year in like 8th grade, we used to have to send carnations to each other and our friends on Vday, and then the humiliating process of the flower delivery coming class to class would ensue. So just to be sure that I wasn’t one of the awkward pre-teens with no-one who loved me, I ordered myself a carnation… Yes. That I was that lame. I got 2 that year. The other one from my BFF.
I can be romantic. One year in my early twenties I tried to win back a boy, whose heart I had broken, on Valentine’s day by leaving a bunch of black-helium balloons on his front porch. He was an emo-kid. The black balloons were an ironic thing… I placed one red one on a longer string to rise above the black ones to represent love and happiness. It was an in joke. He got it. I thought I was adorable. He called me crazy, through incredulous laughter when he walked onto his porch and phoned me a few minutes later. He still didn’t forgive me though. He made the right choice.
Hell I even got “proposed to” one year on Valentines day (vomit) After one month of dating (double gag) Shame, bless him. We were kiddies in University. He hid the ring in a piece of purple tissue paper and placed it under the salad of the meal he had prepared (yes, stop laughing… really)
Yes, Romance lies within this.
In the dim candle-light I thought it was that gross bitter purple lettuce, so avoided it. He got increasingly anxious. I had no intention of eating the purple lettuce. He had to point it out to me (this was not going well) I was touched and terrified. I wore the ring for a month (switching it to my right hand secretly in public). Then of course managed to break up with him. (whew) *awkward*
I’d have to say – all things considered, my most successful Valentine’s day was in std.4 or 6th Grade. I was a kid in Plettenberg Bay, it was the year Madiba was about to be made President – and I got 5.. yes FIVE real live cards from real live boys. 11 year old Angel had some GAME. I only kissed a boy when i was 13, so fat lot of good that ‘game’ did me. A week after V day it was back to name calling and pony tugging anyway. Those were the good old days. When a guy would pick on you for weeks and weeks, sending you letters across the class telling you how ugly you were, how funny your pigeon toes were (mostly applicable to me only) and then one day, you get that letter – surreptitiously passed across the class. You brace yourself for the insulting drawing or nasty limerick and then there it is: “Will you be my girlfriend?” with the three little check blocks drawn alongside. Yes. No. Maybe. A simple pencil tick would define the next few weeks of your love life. Who you’d share your sandwich with. Who you’d save a seat for on the bus. Who you’d push down the bully in the playground to defend.
The Ultimate Decider.
Life was simpler.
I guess what I’ve garnered from this is that even though life might seem to keep sending me hate-mail. Nasty limericks in the form of boys saying mean things, leaving me for other girls or just not being that into me. I guess, we have to keep opening those metaphorical letters. Coz one day it will have a question. A question that makes our heart smile. And maybe we’ll want to tick the ‘yes’ block.
Dear six year old angel, You win. Optimism triumphs yet again.
Besides, who am I even kidding. I love pink. And hearts. I should be in my element on V day. Even if I’m single. And I am.
Happy Flippen Valentine’s day.
*Love love love High five*
I will leave you with this fact:
@WhatTheFFacts : Women who remain single are likely to be high achievers of above-average intelligence.