Monthly Archives: September 2011

Money: Stupid to Smart.

Now like most freelancers, I take a pretty big ‘Ostrich’ stance to my money. No, that doesn’t mean I wear feather boas and run about kicking people. I’m referring to that myth (that actually doesn’t ever happen) of an ostrich sticking its head in the sand to hide from bad things. Now since Scientists would have us believe that it’s NOT true, ostriches are mistakenly branded cowards when they are actually just putting their heads near to the ground in order to better purvey the horizon – thus being PRO-active. PRO-tective. SMART.

Perhaps we should adopt the TRUE ostrich style about our money, and put our heads down – survey the horizon and try to predict the trouble. Be money smart.

Yes, easier said than done. Money. Numbers…Gah. My head hurts already. Can we talk about nail-polish yet? All I know about money is that it apparently can’t buy you happiness. But it CAN pay for my internet connection, which is pretty much the same thing. And it buys me shoes. Shoes make me happy. So in conclusion: all I know about money, is wrong.

Good thing it doesn’t need to be up to me. There are some very smart, very generous people out there. People who have called me on-board to try out their new money-management website called *drumroll* ….. moneysmart.co.za 

It’s basically a website that’s FREE and there to act as our own personal Private Banker. (Yes, I see your eyes glazing over – they kind of lost me there too. But bear with me.) It’s Money for Dummies. It’s also Money for Smart people. It’s an online community of accessible money talk.

Nutshell:

You sign up, with a very simple ‘enter email’ interface. And then you have the option of linking your info via Facebook, Linkedin or Manually. It links to your bank account and helps you manage your budgets and goals with nifty little graphs and tricks like keeping tabs on all your transactions.

How safe is it? It’s apparently VERY secure. They threw big words like ‘FBI certificates’ and ‘most secure platform possible’ at me when I asked. Apparently it’s more secure than most banks online. But then again, they told me that Facebook is more secure than most online banks these days too. So while I’m feeling more secure about this whole moneysmart thing, I’m feeling more like taking all my money and hiding it under my bed for safe keeping. Like a fictional Ostrich might.

The Challenge: I have signed up to this website thingy. It launched this week in SA. It is for South Africans, to try and help us all be more responsible and to LIVE with our money, rather than just ‘survive’. I know nothing about my money. I am going to do what this website tells me, making budgets, trying to plan and map out things like goals, dreams and realities with spending. 

The Process: I will be writing a weekly column on their website as the ‘Lifestyle’ section. You know in movies when they say ‘we need to try this out on the biggest idiot we can find, and if they can master it – then anyone can.’? I am feeling largely like their idiot guinea pig. (Hey, at least I’m not an Ostrich!)

The Outcome: According to the smart people behind the money of Money Smart. I will certainly come out with a better grasp of my finances.  They have forums for asking questions. Smart technology that monitors your spending patterns and guides you with suggestions of how to use your budgets better. Weekly column updates from REAL money experts giving advice on Investments and other money terms that I don’t know yet. And we all know, knowledge is power. I like power.

Challenge accepted! 

This is not a shameless plug. I get nothing if you guys go and sign up. I am just hoping that I LEARN something by signing up myself. It all sounds very responsible and grown up and I think it’s high time people start taking control of their money – so I’d recommend this to everyone to do. We really have nothing to lose. It’s free. (To be honest, I’m not really sure WHAT they are gaining from us… and when I asked WHY they are making this website he started glowing and getting all philosophical about spreading wealth and paying it forward. A hippy genius, generous, financial guru? If i hadn’t seen it with my own eyes – I wouldn’t have believed it either.) *high five*

I’m all about spreading high-fives of awesome, and when I heard about this site. I genuinely got excited. It’s a recession, we are all struggling. We need this. The Economy needs this. America’s economy is even so bad that Angelina Jolie is gonna start adopting American kids now.

Let’s do this thing.

*Money filled hands High Five*

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Ab-solutely (f)Ab-ulous.

This is a shameless perve high five.

It’s a high five to Gym-equipment – and hot men who know how to use it.

Yes all those stinky, heavy weights that are awkwardly positioned in front of the mirror. The area of the gym that I skip lightly passed, whilst glancing a coy look over my shoulder at the sweaty testosterone-soaked men, grunting with eyes bulging in strain. I look because I hope that one day I will see the fine whittle work of masters like Da Vinci and Michaelangelo at work. Gym machines scuplting art underneath an already pleasant face. A face like that of Ryan Gosling, who we all fell in love with in ‘The Notebook’ where he loved her enough to build her a house and hold her senile old hand till the end.

Furthermore, I’d like to high five director Glenn Ficarra for making Crazy Stupid Love – a movie that is as hilarious as it is witty, and sexy as it is smart. But more than the performances of comedic genius by Steve Carrell (40 yr old Virgin), Julianne Moore (4 time Oscar Nominee) and Emma Stone (Zombieland and Easy-A) is the sweet, thoughtful directorial idea to have Ryan Gosling take his shirt off.

*sigh*

Angel has a new ‘happy place’ to go to in her mind:

If God doesn't exist, then how do you explain THIS?

*High five* on your sweaty gym hands. Oops, I missed and hit your pecs instead… – *high five again* – oops I missed again – how silly of me, now I’m touching your abs…. wow, they’re really hard.

#thatswhatshesaid

*high five*

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No Regret Friday … or Sunday.

You’ve heard the slogan. “Don’t Drink and Drive” you’ve heard it a million times. You’ve heard the stats. But somehow, in some part of your brain, you feel like it doesn’t apply to you. That the people who are BAD drunk drivers are OTHER people. That YOU’RE fine. That you live “just round the corner”… besides, you’re responsible. You’ll be fine. And ladies, I see you. I AM you. “We won’t get arrested. There’s nothing a flutter of eyelashes or short skirt can’t solve.”

Well. You’re wrong. Because it happened to me.
And I was wearing make-up, heels and a short skirt.

Watch this video:

Now, change that guy with a skinny white girl on her way back from a Sunday Summer Afternoon session watching Goldfish in Camps Bay and you have EXACTLY what happened to me in January this year. Yes, January. It is now September and I am still appearing in court. Today in fact.

That video gives me chills. It’s so accurate. (Although that guy’s alcohol count was way higher than mine. it doesn’t matter, if you’re over – you’re over. And remember: if you’re a girl who weighs around 50kgs, 2 beers puts you over.)

If you think getting a taxi is too expensive, trust me: Lawyers didn’t get into their profession because it was less lucrative than driving taxis. They charge you for phone calls, letters, emails and every court appearance.  Their are WAYS to get home. Good Fellas has different levels of subscription, where they send someone out to drive you home, with your car. The monthly fee is less than one hour with my lawyer. My Criminal lawyer. Because that is what I am seen as now, a criminal. Little old, happy, innocent me. Rather get someone to drive you home. Regret nothing.

Facts:
I didn’t drink for 4 years, voluntarily.
I am usually the designated Driver.

I was 2 blocks from home when the police randomly stopped me.

I didn’t FEEL drunk.
It was a chilled Sunday, not even a party night.
I was over the limit.
I spent the night in jail.
There was a fat, naked tik-head in the cell with me.
I am now in a lot of trouble. (it has nothing to do with the naked tik-head *side eye*)

Over 9 months of waiting for a verdict, a resolution. Hoping they lost my blood. (They didn’t). Hoping that there’d be a loophole (there wasn’t) I am now facing the Judge this morning.

My *random high five* goes to SAB and the people at No Regret Friday. The people behind that chilling advert up there. The people behind the twitter hashtag that trends every Friday #NoRegretFriday. The People trying to stop the rest of you knuckleheads out there from being a Knucklehead like me. Every person who has contributed to the website, signed the petition, sent in their story.

It’s just not worth it. Regret. Could have, should have, would have. Didn’t.

The second, *JUMPING High Five* goes to Good Fellas, for offering us such an amazing solution. (You can see my friend MumZ the comedian in their advert  below ‘talking drunkanese’ *High Five*)

WIN: SAB have offered to give a 6 month GOOD FELLAS subscription to one of you. All you have to do is send me YOUR stories of ‘No Regret Friday’Tell me how you or a friend had to learn the lesson the hard way. Or tell me what YOU do to make sure you have no regrets. Leave your comment on this blog post and we will choose one. If you’d prefer to do it anonymously, you can email me: angelcampey@gmail.com 

No regret Friday will put your stories and testimonials on their website (anonymously if you’d prefer) But I’m speaking out. We’ve all done it. and we ALL need to NOT do it.

It could happen to you. It SHOULDN’T happen to anyone.  Regret Nothing.

Now  if you’ll excuse me, I have to get ready for court. Again.

*High five to designated drivers*

— Update at  10.50am: Just got home from court, the Judge has postponed – again – as they haven’t made a decision yet. That means more lawyer fees, more appearances and more suspence.

 

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