Monthly Archives: August 2011

Nkosi Sikelel’ i-Who?

Now, it’s not exactly a *high five* moment that Ard Matthews (of Just Jinger fame) managed to forget the words to Nkosi Sikelel’ iafrika, our NATIONAL ANTHEM last night after the Bok Selection on live TV. (Never trust a Jinjer)

What IS a High-five moment is the lol-fest that has emerged as South Africans unite in their bemused outrage. (Yes, yes. Ard apologised. Yes, yes – we forgive him (kind of) BUT if you are a performer and your entire job is to perform – of course people have a right to mock you when you mess up a performance.)

(in case you are under a rock, here is the link to the youtube of the moment)

Twitter exploded, first with indignation, then with humour… it was a thing of beauty. We united. No news is good news, and BAD news – is good twitter.

The advertisers followed suit today with GEMS like these:

 

*High five* to Nando’s,Klipdrift & Savanna (And to the selected Boks)

And a last epic Jumping high five to all South Africans who KNOW the Anthem!

*High Five*

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Slutwalk – Cape Town.

The City of Cape Town’s ‘SLUTS’ deserve the ‘epic jumping high five‘ of the weekend.

If you were in the Greenpoint area on Saturday midday you would have thought it was some kind of gay-pride march – there were men in skirts, women in skirts, men with no tops on and WOMEN with no tops on (but itty bitty pieces of black tape stuck over the naughtiest bits, officer). And whilst the atmosphere was indeed ‘gay’ and jovial, and whilst there were Lesbians with banners and gay men with stilettoes – the topic was bigger than that. Sexual orientation aside. It was protesting the label of ‘Slut’ on women who dressed in a manner not becoming a 1950’s housewife.

It all stems from some Toronto, Canada Policeman (Who probably starts each day with a nice resounding *face palm* at the flippant remark he made that has now sparked, what some are calling, the biggest feminist movement in 20 years.) This Policeman, one Mr Michael Sanguinetti was giving a speech in January 2011. In this speech he suggested that one way University Students might prevent rape was to “avoid dressing like sluts.” *cue gasps of outrage*

Well, how flinging flanging DARE he!? Now – before you go and think he might have a point… what about women in jeans and sweaters who get raped – Are they just unlucky? and Muslim ladies in Burkas? Are they ‘asking for it’ too?

Protesters in Cape Town's SlutWalk (C)2011 Tarjei Langeland, all rights reserved

And quite frankly, why should women have to cover up in order to protect MEN from having to restrain their sexual urges? As one sign defiantly said: “Don’t tell me how to dress, tell him to keep his pants on” Of course, this topic is a little closer to home for South Africans because we all remember our President Jacob Zuma’s rape trial where he stated that the woman wanted sex because she wore a skirt.

Well, we DO declare. And we DID declare. In our slutty droves. “No means No – Yes means Yes”

Wikipedia told me: Co-founders of the movement Sonya Barnett and Heather Jarvis (High-fives – ladies!) observe that historically, “slut” has had negative connotations, and their goal is to redeem the term. They write that women “are tired of being oppressed by slut-shaming; of being judged by our sexuality and feeling unsafe as a result.” They continue: “Being in charge of our sexual lives should not mean that we are opening ourselves to an expectation of violence, regardless if we participate in sex for pleasure or work.” Sanguinetti later apologized for the remark. *High Five*

Me, Spelling it out for you.

I’d like to give highfives to the 2000ish Cape Tonian people who were there.

I’d also like to offer high-fives to the police and the City of Cape Town, for closing the roads and making sure it all happened without a fuss.

(C)2011 Tarjei Langeland, all rights reserved

And these guys: Nathan and Zach, who were 16 and came on their own accord. *high five*

Looking is free - Touching will cost you 25 to life.

In my opinion, The march was a success. Aside from some slightly repetitive chants, “Real men don’t Rape” and “It’s a Dress not a Yes” seeming to be the crowd favourites – I think we should brainstorm some Beyonce ‘girl-power’ songs or Aretha ‘RESPECT’ in time for next year’s one. Yes, It’s going to be an annual thing and Johannesburg has one coming up next month too. The first one was in Toronto in April 2011  (yes, only 4 months ago – and it’s already reached the southern tip of Africa – I did say it’s been branded the biggest feminist movement in 20 years. remember?)

After all of this, all of the press attention – the giant blisters I earned by doing the whole march in ‘slutty’ heels – carrying posters, making all the right moves… the BIGGEST high five of the slutwalk has to go to the photographer James Hu, who captured this moment:

Little boy tells me what he thinks of my Outfit.

Women’s liberation movement. Telling the world we aren’t sluts. Being so angry we made a sign…. and then, STILL being objectified by a 4yr old male… PRICELESS!

*high five*

I’m not a slut.

#ThatsWhatSheSaid

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Make-up’eth the Man

Frank Sinatra famously said, “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink – when they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they are going to feel all day” Funny and true (however, he is not accounting for the fact that people who DON’T drink alcohol, probably feel a hell of a lot better in the morning than he can ever hope to.)

Regardless. This is how I feel about Make-Up.

I feel sorry for people who “don’t”, “won’t” or “CAN’T” use make-up. And by ‘people’ let’s just go ahead and generalise to say ‘Men’. Men can’t wear make-up. With the fabulous exception of the Ru-Pauls out there, But they are aiming at looking like women. I’m talking about a many Camel man, straddling his latest kill and pausing to touch up his Cherry lip-gloss before the victory photo. Imagine that.

He's already a Ginger... Nothing to lose?

No, Men- We have to take you or leave you – just as you are. For better or worse – (but if Uncle Frankie can teach us anything, at least we have the release of alcohol, to slap some pretty bleary beer goggle onto our faces, tinting you with a whiskey-golden glow and red wine lips.)

At what point in history did women say, “No – you may not paint your faces like us, if you do we will call you a pansy and laugh behind our hands at you” ? In every other species, the female is the ugly, plain – make-up-less one, the Pea-hen not the Pea-COCK (if you’ll pardon the innuendo) but somehow, human men got the raw deal. Or maybe the women did. We have to parade around attracting attention, like pea-COCKS.

I’m not complaining. Not complaining at all. I don’t want him leaving mascara stains on my pillow cases or getting lipstick smudges on my collar – imagine the roles were reversed? (I can hear the distant scream of many a female, clutching to her bag of Mac in terror… oh no, wait, that’s not distant – that’s me in the mirror.)

Yes, it’s terrifying to even  JOKE about having our superhero power of jet black lash-lengthening mascara, lip-plumping juicy gloss and porcelain doll blusher taken away. Let alone the concealer. That sneaky pimple that grew in the middle of the night before your hot date? Oh no, that’s gotta STAY. So do those tired bags under your eyes… and… I actually can’t type more. I’m going into catatonic terror at the thought.

Men going into department stores in clusters of 3 or 4, hovering around the Loreal and Revlon counters, trying on shades of lipstick, asking about shimmer creams and bronzers. Imagine them painting their nails, and holding their fingers out to admire the work. Imagine straight, manly men – blowing on freshly painted fingernails to make sure the new Purple-Grey (That’s SO in right now) looks great for his date.

She won't be able to resist me when I flutter these lashes...

I guess my Random high five has got to go to Men. For defying nature, and all the normal shows of display that birds, frogs and a big mane of hair on a lion are there for. Let us be birds, or chicks… and we’ll kiss the frogs, as long as we can keep the volumising shampoo that smells like flowers for OUR mane of hair, not yours.

Unless of course you look like this guy below… and you want to wear a little eye liner. Ala Jared Leto in 30 Seconds to Mars or Johnny Depp…

My eyes are up HERE ladies...

*High Five* for guys like this – keeping girls like us in front of the mirror with our Mac.. so that we may get our (other kind of) MAC on!

 

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