Monthly Archives: May 2011

Rainbowtastic.

OH MY GOD! It’s a Double Rainbow All the way!

@GrahamAndRobert: twitpic of the Double Rainbow over Cape Town this morning

Well today is one of those not so rare days in our Mother of all cities,  full of Monkey’s weddings.

No – not politicians getting married!  *who said that?*

I’m talking about that beast of mother Nature, demonstrating her female right to confusion, rants, kindness and then changing her mind again. Rain and Shine.

The result of a Monkey's wedding

The beauty of this is that it lends itself beautifully to splashing the sky with the all to prevalent pride flag, as seen on every building in Greenpoint. The Rainbow! No other word than “Fabulous” can describe them. We get excited, we take pics, we tweet them, we take videos… and if we see a double rainbow – then, well gosh – we just have a full on orgasm:

Halloween 2010 was Double-Rainbowliscious

Who can forget that guy? He’s amazing. *HIGHFIVE*

“Oh my god, it’s a double rainbow. All the way. What does it mean…. aaah ahhh aaaah. wooooooahhhh! ”

The Viral double Rainbow man. He Inspired the planet, caused a global rainbow worshipping phenomenon. That youtube has been viewed 28,034,092 times!

Woah. INTENSE!

And, If memory serves correct, he even made an appearance on Oprah. That’s INTENSE!

Someone tried to say that rainbows were made by refractions of light, by the sun on the water molecules.

Well, duh – what an idiot. Everyone knows they come from Unicorn farts.

Or as @Brandon_E suggested: Two Care Bears who got Drunk. Hell Yes!

I want to offer Random High Fives to that amazing dude in Yosemite Park for blowing his load over the rainbows. His name is Paul Vasquez and this is him on the right. (Looks pretty much exactly what you’d hope him to look like… minus maybe a polka-dotted top-hat.)

Double Rainbow Guy. (But What does it mean!?)

… I also want to Give random High Fives to anyone who’s ever seen a rainbow, and taken a pic – or thought; “Hey, Cool.”

And if you’ve seen a Rainbow farting unicorn flying through the sky? Lay off the mescaline, dude. Share it with me.

*High Five*

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Winter, the Old Hag.

As I type this, it is howling outside. That kind of howling that makes you snuggle down into your fluffy Eeyore slippers and feel safe and cozy listening to the rapping of horizontal rain whipping into your windows.

Ah, Cape Town’s winter has reared it’s ugly head. There are two kinds of people in this world. People who love cold weather and sane people. (I am neither.)

This morning I was torn from the glory of giving my pillow head, to venture outside for a modelling test shoot. Which on the whole, isn’t the crappest way to spend a day – unless the stylist has lots of vintage sundresses and outdoor things in mind. Guess where this is going? Yup.

Before the sundresses: This is me, "Warm"

I was freezing, in the howling wind… The kind of cold where you forget how sunshine feels, ever. and If you’ll ever be warm in your life again, with misty rain and soggy feet. The crew are miserable, people’s cardboard cut-out girlfriends and boyfriends are blowing away – and so are reflector boards. Exhausting for all involved. Maybe I’m just melodramatic. Maybe I’m right.

The bottom line is, I’m home safe. It’s dark out there now and I can truly say I am grateful that I’m in here. But that’s not true for everyone in South Africa. The knowledge that -right now- under a bridge there is someone who is colder than i was today, and hungrier – fighting against the thieving fingers of the Cape winds for their pieces of cardboard. Their “warmth”. Well, that breaks my heart. And it shouldn’t be allowed.

Now, our dear old Twitter has a form of solution. The Twitter Blanket Drivehttp://www.twitterblanketdrive.co.za/index.php in 5 days they are collecting blankets near you. All over SA. I beg you, remember how often you complain about having to “go out in the cold” imagine having to STAY out there.

If you can’t donate a blanket then you MUST have an old jersey or two – you know the one with reindeers that Aunty Mable knitted? Or the old velore tracksuits that are so “Two thousand and Late”. Pass them on to someone who will treasure them. Or pack an extra muffin or hot pie in your lunch box to pass out to someone at the robots. Failing all of that: you could also not ignore homeless beggars, with the trained indifference that us Saffas have mastered, but – smile. Make eye-contact. Show them kindness. Is that slight annoyance for 30 seconds at a traffic light really going to ruin your day? Think about theirs.

There is a Japanese Proverb that goes: One kind word can warm three winter months.

Now it’s not like me to be serious and unfunny. And I promise not to go all green-peace on your asses. But the thought of the joy, hope and humanity that exists in that poor, cold soul under a highway overpass right now… receiving something warm. Well that’s a freaking high-five moment right there.

*High Five*

Me keeping warm between shots - At least I had a coat!

Remember: http://www.twitterblanketdrive.co.za/ and tweet it hashtag #TBD

Cant get to a blanket drive? Other SA charities to donate to:

Help take the chill out of winter by donating warm clothes and blankets to iCare, the national charity that helps uplift the poor.

Siyanqoba Service Foundation Centre – Helping the Honeydew Squatter Camp community with regard to food and clothing.

No one likes lying in the wetness.

#ThatsWhatSheSaid

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Yes, REALLY Angel.

Now, I know my name is weird. “Angel? wow, really?”

And yes, it’s real. Why the hell would I make that up? I’m not a male vampire from the 90s wannabe…

And as much as having  it for 21 *cough* more or less.. mostly more* years has rendered me a bit exasperated when people are shocked by it.  I try to keep things in perspective. Like when I met that American girl called Moon in Thailand WOW! – i get excited over weird names and then I punch myself in the throat (Metaphorically. Last time I actually did that in public it took A LOT of convincing to make them take the straight-jacket off, again. For the third time) Plus; I do like the attention, I mean. Duh. And some people are pretty creative and witty about it.

I also capitalise on it, I love things with angel wings on them and will buy anything that has ‘angel’ written on it. I even have douche-plates on my car that say ‘Angel’. I like that I can go by my first name only – like ‘Madonna’… and that people get nervous coz they think i’m probably a stripper. (Probably? AM! … in my own bedroom *highfive*)

My mother. (God bless her hippy-soul) will tell you, staring dead in the eyes and not blinking (it’s pretty weird in it’self, to be honest)

Mom's Soulworld?

That she ASTRAL-TRAVELLED into “Soulworld” and picked my soul, in a field of buttercups – at the end of a rainbow. (I think the straightjacket brigade needs to hunt my mother down. last time i saw her she was hunting snails with a butterfly net, somewhere east of Narnia). But this is the story – from the Angel-birther’s mouth: In the field of buttercups was a blue eyed soul. She asked this soul to come to earth to be her “Sunshine child” to spread Joy and Happiness…. my soul replied… and I quote: “Sure, I could do with a holiday.”

I'm a FAIRY not an Angel, dammit

Thus: Angel-Blythe was born. (Like Gwynnies new baby, that every one mocked: Apple-Blythe.) Blythe is Scottish for Happy. Angel-Happy. Angel of Happiness. I’m just a ray of fucking sunshine. *cheesy grin*

This brings me back to last night. I met new people. Boy people. Boy people especially like my name. It’s an instant friggen pick-up line. Talk about an ‘in’ to a conversation. (Thanks mom, no complaints about my skanky behaviour. YOU asked for it). But these boy people were comedians. You expect a little more wit than the average:

“Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? ”

“..and ARE you an angel?”

“Do you work at Teazers?”

“Where are your wings?”

or the oldest one: “Hi Angel, I’m Devil” – Which is what one of them said to me.

Cue awkward monosyllabic laugh. “Ha.”  – then he had the audacity to stare at me, unblinking (I think he knows my mom’s technique) waiting for me to ‘catch’ his joke. Just incase I’m THAT dumb, he added little devil horns to his forehead with a ‘rock’ style gesture.

I wanted to import crickets, in a little box – just so I could open the box at that moment, so we could all hear them.

Yes, yes. I got it.

*throatpunch*

That is all.

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Joy for all Humanity.

We survived the Rapture. (or we were all left behind) What better time than now to revel in humanity? Our commonality.

This video is 3 years old. It is popular. Most people have seen it. I have seen it many times before. I watched it again this evening and I replayed it… 3 times … in a row.

It brings tears to my eyes. (God, I make myself sound so lame by admitting all the things that make me cry)

But look at the children, and the joy. The pure unbridled joy. And the communities. And the beauty of our planet.

Search far and wide: We are all the same.

High five, Matt. This video makes my day. Every day.

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End of Days

Humankind’s top 5 Legacies.

Tomorrow there will be wailing and gnashing of teeth according to ONE GUY: Mr Camping  (I am ashamed of his name. My surname is Campey. This is a little too close for comfort.)

Let’s be realistic. I am NOT going anywhere in the Rapture. Most of my readers and followers are not going anywhere either. Yes, if you are reading this, then I’m afraid you probably have a little depraved sense of humour and Jesus wouldn’t want you for a sunbeam. But that’s ok. I think the world will be a rad place full of high-fives and tequila shots when we’re all left behind, like the T-birds and Pink Ladies once they change Sandra-Dee to be ‘cool’.

Jokes aside (as if that’s a possibility)…

Assuming this is IT, (*dum dum duuuhm*) then let’s take a little look back onto the rest of History and see what the TOP 5 highlights may have been. As we cast our minds back and let our collective lives flash before our eyes as we lay us down to sleep… What legacy has the human race left behind?

"Crap, I shoulda blogged about our life..."

Legacy #5: Ancient Construction

As cool as structures like the FIFA stadiums and Disney World may be, I’m pretty confident that aliens or future species of earth will be baffled by the purpose and function of things like the Egyptian & Aztec Pyramids. I mean, just look how baffled we are. Can you imagine trying to piece those puzzles together a million years from now? It brings me glee just to imagine the confusion on their little green, alien faces.

Woah, dude. WTF are those for?

Legacy #4: Music

Now this is a pretty broad and divided category. We’re talking about ALL the music in the history of time. I don’t want to delve into which one is better, there have been many limbs lost between rockers, hipsters, goths and emos arguing about music that I might falsely assume is all the SAME THING anyway. *distant sound of hipster’s souls dying*

However, from bashing a drum around a fire, to mixing sick dubstep beats on a computer, I think music is one of the most epic Legacies that the humans have created. And I’m sure all the raptured-souls will miss a dirty little beat – or even Rebecca Black- after a few decades of harps and angel choirs*.

(*See, that’s the noun: angel, not the proper noun: Angel. An Angel choir would be badass!)

Legacy #3: War

No list about the history of humans would be complete without mentioning war. As far back as we can trace the footprints we’ve been Chucking spears and hurling knob-kerries.

It’s not something we should be too proud of but without war there would be no cool computer games, like Call of Duty. There would be no cool movies like “Apocolypse Now” or “300”. And that all too trendy ‘army print’ fashion statement would seem odd.

Imagine a world without THIS

Think of a world with no references to Hitler. Internet arguments which never ended up with someone calling someone else a Nazi… ? I know, right? Impossible to fathom. We’d have no nuclear power-stations, no looming ‘end of the world’ cold-wars, no superpowers and people would probably actually LIKE America.

Empires got built and broken because of war. Loves of Epic tales were launched thanks to it and it probably was one of the most motivational reason for civilizations to drive themselves forward. One of the primary reasons for war, other than territory or someone calling someone else’s mom a name?

Religion

Legacy #2 Religion

Oh isn’t this a fun little pearl? If it wasn’t for religion it wouldn’t even BE the end of the world tomorrow. Talk about a self fulfilling prophecy, catch 22.

Now, whatever your take on this – we cannot deny that human beings have created a pretty solid legacy of Gods and beliefs.

People willing to put their foreheads on a wall and pray, on the floor and pray. Cross their legs and pray, get on their knees and pray, dance around and pray or watch sport and pray. There are churches, mosques, temples, synagogues, halls, tombs, demons, angels, saints, virgins, zombies, followers, fat guys, reincarnation, walking, floods, zen, meditation and then there’s Scientology.

Obviously it’s Christianity that has this rapture happening tomorrow, and I don’t know about the rest of you – but if all the devout people suddenly FLOAT off the face of the earth, or spontaneously disappear… I’m gonna be a little nervous – although, we will have one less thing to feel guilty about NOT doing on a Sunday.

So, I’ve covered a lot of the big defining moments in human history. Ancient feats of engineering, music, War, Religion. I feel that movies and the Internet should fall into this too. Let’s put movies under “Music and War” since most of the good ones contain the former and are about the latter… and Internet? well that’s obvious – it’s categorized as Religion. Simple.

After all of these – the number one legacy that humans have created, and I’m sure that both men and women would agree. Something that has changed the planet and the way in which we perceive each other and expect to be perceived.

Something that has started wars, been in every movie, has songs written about it, practically dominates the internet and is a religion unto it’s own. It comes in all colours and sizes and shapes… and a grateful planet thanks you Mrs Mary Phelps Jacob

Legacy #1: The Push-up Bra.

Enough Said.

We're going to miss these MOST of all.

Let’s go out with a BANG. *wink* 

Enjoy the Rapture. Get front row seats, crack open a beer and wave goodbye.

I’ll catch you on Sunday the 22nd… with a hangover.

*high five!*


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Rapture or Raptor?

So the word on the street is that the big Christian Rapture is happening this Saturday, 21st May 2011. As interesting as all the different theories may be – I just can’t help thinking how cool it’d be if there was a Raptor Apocolypse.  I’d want front row seats and 3D glasses!

Dinosaurs are all the rage today, as seen on Bangers and Nash’s epic Retro Tuesday blog post where he talks about that old TV sitcom that is best left in our collective memory banks – but it reminded me of this cartoon that I have:

How can they high-five with those little arms?

I mean. What’s not to love? It has Dino’s… it has Grammar Nazi qualities, (we all know how pedantic I am about that) AND it has HIGH FREAKING FIVES!

Pretty awesome. I’d say.

I like big Lizards.

That’s what SHE said! *High Five*

(Thanks to Playwright and friend: @KarenJeynes for this picture)

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When I Grow up… This:

This video is pure and simply: Amazing. I want to kiss all of them, with tongue.
It’s been watched over 66 million times, so you may have seen it – but dammit, watch it again. Nothing will cheer up a winter Monday more than this.

I am not joking when I say, I am going to show this to guys on our first date – and if they are not comfortable with the concept of getting married in a similarly flamboyant style, then there will be no second date.
I love it that much.
It also makes me cry. But so do petrol prices.

I’d like to offer the Bride and Groom and all of the eager Groomsmen and Bridesmaids;
*EPIC JUMPING HIGH FIVES*

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