Dear randomhighfives.wordpress.com – you’ve been grand. But I’ve moved on up to a dot com address! *high five*
I’ve packed up all the posts and comments of the past year on this site… and moved in on over with the help of web guru and friend Cameron Olivier.
Everything that you love will be there. Only better.
It’s basically the same as upgrading your fake Louis Vuitton handbag, bought for under a hundred bucks in the back alleys of Bangkok with a real one, bought in Paris. NO ONE KNOWS. But you know. And somehow, in some universe, that makes you cooler. Plus. You can smell the real leather. Doesn’t it smell better than the plastic smell of sweat-shop worker’s tears? Well. that’s debateable.
Pack your bags and shuffle off to randomhighfives.com you might want to update that address to your bookmarks too ;)
See you there, cyber traveller.
Winter is apon us. That means no more hiking, beaching and need to wear bikinis… This also means we need to retreat into gyms if we don’t want to turn into sloths by next summer.
I found this hilarious article on www.mcsweeneys.net
BY COLIN NISSAN
WRITE EVERY DAY
Writing is a muscle. Smaller than a hamstring and slightly bigger than a bicep, and it needs to be exercised to get stronger. Think of your words as reps, your paragraphs as sets, your pages as daily workouts. Think of your laptop as a machine like the one at the gym where you open and close your inner thighs in front of everyone, exposing both your insecurities and your genitals. Because that is what writing is all about.
Procrastination is an alluring siren taunting you to Google the country where Balki from Perfect Strangers was from, and to arrange sticky notes on your dog in the shape of hilarious dog shorts. A wicked temptress beckoning you to watch your children, and take showers. Well, it’s time to look procrastination in the eye and tell that seafaring wench, “Sorry not today, today I write.”
FIGHT THROUGH WRITER’S BLOCK
The blank white page. El Diablo Blanco. El Pollo Loco. Whatever you choose to call it, staring into the abyss in search of an idea can be terrifying. But ask yourself this; was Picasso intimidated by the blank canvas? Was Mozart intimidated by the blank sheet music? Was Edison intimidated by the blank lightbulb? If you’re still blocked up, ask yourself more questions, like; Why did I quit my job at TJ Maxx to write full-time? Can/should I eat this entire box of Apple Jacks? Is The Price is Right on at 10 or 11?
LEARN FROM THE MASTERS
Mark Twain once said, “Show, don’t tell.” This is an incredibly important lesson for writers to remember; never get such a giant head that you feel entitled to throw around obscure phrases like “Show, don’t tell.” Thanks for nothing, Mr. Cryptic.
FIND YOUR MUSE
Finding a really good muse these days isn’t easy, so plan on going through quite a few before landing on a winner. Beware of muses who promise unrealistic timelines for your projects or who wear wizard clothes. When honing in on a promising new muse, also be on the lookout for other writers attempting to swoop in and muse-block you. Just be patient in your search, because the right muse/human relationship can last a lifetime.
HONE YOUR CRAFT
There are two things more difficult than writing. The first is editing, the second is expert level Sudoku where there’s literally two goddamned squares filled in. While editing is a grueling process, if you really work hard at it, in the end you may find that your piece has fewer words than it did before. Which, is great. Perhaps George Bernard Shaw said it best when upon sending a letter to a close friend, he wrote, “I’m sorry this letter is so long, I didn’t have time to make it shorter.” No quote better illustrates the point that writers are very busy.
ASK FOR FEEDBACK
It’s so easy to hide in your little bubble, typing your little words with your little fingers on your little laptop from the comfort of your tiny chair in your miniature little house. I’m taking this tone to illustrate the importance of developing a thick skin. Remember, the only kind of criticism that doesn’t make you a better writer is dishonest criticism. That, and someone telling you that you have weird shoulders.
READ, READ, READ
It’s no secret that great writers are great readers, and that if you can’t read, your writing will often suffer. Similarly, if you can read but have to move your lips to get through the longer words, you’ll still be a pretty bad writer. Also, if you pronounce “espresso” like “expresso.”
STUDY THE RULES, THEN BREAK THEM
Part of finding your own voice as a writer is finding your own grammar. Don’t spend your career lost in a sea of copycats when you can establish your own set of rules. If everyone’s putting periods at the end of their sentences, put yours in the middle of words. Will it be incredibly difficult to read? Yes it will. Will it set you on the path to becoming a literary pioneer? Tough to say, but you’re kind of out of options at this point.
KEEP IT TOGETHER
A writer’s brain is full of little gifts, like a piñata at a birthday party. It’s also full of demons, like a piñata at a birthday party in a mental hospital. The truth is, it’s demons that keep a tortured writer’s spirit alive, not Tootsie Rolls. Sure they’ll give you a tiny burst of energy, but they won’t do squat for your writing. So treat your demons with the respect they deserve, and with enough prescriptions to keep you wearing pants.
Read more by Colin Nissan here
This random high-five goes to fighters.Not the opposite of ‘lovers’ type of fighters. No, no, I’m all about “make love not war… and if you can’t make love, then heavy petting is STILL better than war.” BUT – when it comes to sweat, muscles, the thud of shin bone hitting punching bags, the smell of tiger-balm mixed with sweat and adrenaline… THAT’S the kind of fighter that just gives me a lady-boner. Muay Thai.
There’s just something about the discipline, the focus, the rhythmic tapping of jump-rope, the rhythmic tapping of punching bags, the rhythmic thudding of roundhouse kicks… and of course the bodies. Oh dear sweet Goddess Athena, the BODIES.
Trust me, it’s cool. It’s SO cool. It’s like boxing, but much more interesting. In boxing they punch. Jab, Hook, upper cut – that’s about all the combinations you can hope to see. And it’s cool. I love it. But…
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ROB VAN VUUREN – Actor / Writer / Director / Comedian / Presenter / better known as Twakkie from Corne and Twakkie’s Most Amazing Show to those stoners and students out there….
In honour of his birthday (last month), we are proud to announce, The Comedy Roast of Rob Van Vuuren….
Well, The “What would be called a Roast if Comedy Central hadn’t copyrighted the wording so we shall call it the LAMPOONING of Rob Van Vuuren”… coz that sounds more impressive. Somehow….
Host: – MARTIN EVANS (aka @hellpants)
– LOUW VENTER (aka Corne of The Most Amazing Show)
– DEEP FRIED MAN (aka that guitar playing comic in a hat)
– PAUL SNODGRASS (aka angry ginger comic)
– SIV NGESI (aka Pretty Boy and my Roommate)
– GEORGE VAN DER SPUY (from Taxi Violence)
Win With Random High Fives
I’m giving away TWO sets of double tickets to the Roast of Rob.
Now I know you would have gone anyway, so that’s R100 bucks you save to buy more alcohol – and Mercury has pretty cheap drinks, so this is your ticket to a GREAT night.
All you have to do is tell me WHY you need to save R100 bucks or WHY you need to drink more, or WHY you need to laugh by ROASTING YOURSELF. The funniest roast wins… not the most emo.
(No one needs to play the blood violin)
Enter by TWEETING ME with the Hashtag #RoastOfRobVanV or leaving a comment on this post.
See you tomorrow night.
*roasting high five*
The guys on the Black Top Live Rally, Powered by Ford have sent me their latest *high five*
Peter from TopCar was brave enough to do the Blacktop Rally in a KTM X-Bow. For those who don’t know (or can’t tell,) it doesn’t have a roof, windshield or anything else really besides an engine, wheels and two seats wrapped in a carbon fiber shell.
So when rain hit during the 500-odd km journey from Bloem to East London today, it’s no surprise a high-five was in order after the ordeal was over…
What crazy dudes.
There’s a video of the X-Bow on blacktoplive.co.za #BlackTopLive
WIN with TomTom Navigation:
Because the Black Top Rally is such a WIN of a moment – They have assured me that they will be throwing up lots of random high fives.
Over the next week, up till the 4th May – They will be sending me a “random high five” from the road every day… and have collaborated with the awesome people at TomTom to give one of YOU a free TomTom.
All you have to do is TWEET ME a photo of an epic random high five with the hashtag #BlackTopLive (so we can find it) and we’ll choose the best one.
Check back here daily to see the Random High Five of the BlackTopLive rally, and I’ll be putting up the best submissions from you guys too.
Competition ends on 4th May 2012.
Get high fiving… and let TomTom help your palms find one another.
For news updates, photos and video, visit www.blacktoplive.co.za