My Fest in a flash.

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Moving House

Dear randomhighfives.wordpress.com – you’ve been grand. But I’ve moved on up to a dot com address! *high five*

randomhighfives.com

I’ve packed up all the posts and comments of the past year on this site… and moved in on over with the help of web guru and friend Cameron Olivier.

Moving Boxes even have time for a High Five

Everything that you love will be there. Only better.

It’s basically the same as upgrading your fake Louis Vuitton handbag, bought for under a hundred bucks in the back alleys of Bangkok with a real one, bought in Paris. NO ONE KNOWS. But you know. And somehow, in some universe, that makes you cooler. Plus. You can smell the real leather. Doesn’t it smell better than the plastic smell of sweat-shop worker’s tears? Well. that’s debateable.

Pack your bags and shuffle off to randomhighfives.com you might want to update that address to your bookmarks too ;)

See you there, cyber traveller.

*high five*

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30 Best Training Songs Ever

Winter is apon us. That means no more hiking, beaching and need to wear bikinis… This also means we need to retreat into gyms if we don’t want to turn into sloths by next summer.

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The Ultimate Guide to Writing Better than you Normally Do.

I found this hilarious article on www.mcsweeneys.net

BY 

WRITE EVERY DAY

Writing is a muscle. Smaller than a hamstring and slightly bigger than a bicep, and it needs to be exercised to get stronger. Think of your words as reps, your paragraphs as sets, your pages as daily workouts. Think of your laptop as a machine like the one at the gym where you open and close your inner thighs in front of everyone, exposing both your insecurities and your genitals. Because that is what writing is all about.

DON’T PROCRASTINATE

Procrastination is an alluring siren taunting you to Google the country where Balki from Perfect Strangers was from, and to arrange sticky notes on your dog in the shape of hilarious dog shorts. A wicked temptress beckoning you to watch your children, and take showers. Well, it’s time to look procrastination in the eye and tell that seafaring wench, “Sorry not today, today I write.”

FIGHT THROUGH WRITER’S BLOCK

The blank white page. El Diablo Blanco. El Pollo Loco. Whatever you choose to call it, staring into the abyss in search of an idea can be terrifying. But ask yourself this; was Picasso intimidated by the blank canvas? Was Mozart intimidated by the blank sheet music? Was Edison intimidated by the blank lightbulb? If you’re still blocked up, ask yourself more questions, like; Why did I quit my job at TJ Maxx to write full-time? Can/should I eat this entire box of Apple Jacks? Is The Price is Right on at 10 or 11?

LEARN FROM THE MASTERS

Mark Twain once said, “Show, don’t tell.” This is an incredibly important lesson for writers to remember; never get such a giant head that you feel entitled to throw around obscure phrases like “Show, don’t tell.” Thanks for nothing, Mr. Cryptic.

Let me seduce you with my writing...

FIND YOUR MUSE

Finding a really good muse these days isn’t easy, so plan on going through quite a few before landing on a winner. Beware of muses who promise unrealistic timelines for your projects or who wear wizard clothes. When honing in on a promising new muse, also be on the lookout for other writers attempting to swoop in and muse-block you. Just be patient in your search, because the right muse/human relationship can last a lifetime.

HONE YOUR CRAFT

There are two things more difficult than writing. The first is editing, the second is expert level Sudoku where there’s literally two goddamned squares filled in. While editing is a grueling process, if you really work hard at it, in the end you may find that your piece has fewer words than it did before. Which, is great. Perhaps George Bernard Shaw said it best when upon sending a letter to a close friend, he wrote, “I’m sorry this letter is so long, I didn’t have time to make it shorter.” No quote better illustrates the point that writers are very busy.

ASK FOR FEEDBACK

It’s so easy to hide in your little bubble, typing your little words with your little fingers on your little laptop from the comfort of your tiny chair in your miniature little house. I’m taking this tone to illustrate the importance of developing a thick skin. Remember, the only kind of criticism that doesn’t make you a better writer is dishonest criticism. That, and someone telling you that you have weird shoulders.

READ, READ, READ

It’s no secret that great writers are great readers, and that if you can’t read, your writing will often suffer. Similarly, if you can read but have to move your lips to get through the longer words, you’ll still be a pretty bad writer. Also, if you pronounce “espresso” like “expresso.”

STUDY THE RULES, THEN BREAK THEM

Part of finding your own voice as a writer is finding your own grammar. Don’t spend your career lost in a sea of copycats when you can establish your own set of rules. If everyone’s putting periods at the end of their sentences, put yours in the middle of words. Will it be incredibly difficult to read? Yes it will. Will it set you on the path to becoming a literary pioneer? Tough to say, but you’re kind of out of options at this point.

KEEP IT TOGETHER

A writer’s brain is full of little gifts, like a piñata at a birthday party. It’s also full of demons, like a piñata at a birthday party in a mental hospital. The truth is, it’s demons that keep a tortured writer’s spirit alive, not Tootsie Rolls. Sure they’ll give you a tiny burst of energy, but they won’t do squat for your writing. So treat your demons with the respect they deserve, and with enough prescriptions to keep you wearing pants.

Read more by Colin Nissan here

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Think Thai

Random High-Fives

This random high-five goes to fighters.Not the opposite of ‘lovers’ type of fighters. No, no, I’m all about “make love not war… and if you can’t make love, then heavy petting is STILL better than war.” BUT – when it comes to sweat, muscles, the thud of shin bone hitting punching bags, the smell of tiger-balm mixed with sweat and adrenaline… THAT’S the kind of fighter that just gives me a lady-boner. Muay Thai.

There’s just something about the discipline, the focus, the rhythmic tapping of jump-rope, the rhythmic tapping of punching bags, the rhythmic thudding of roundhouse kicks…  and of course the bodies. Oh dear sweet Goddess Athena, the BODIES.

Trust me, it’s cool. It’s SO cool. It’s like boxing, but much more interesting. In boxing they punch. Jab, Hook, upper cut – that’s about all the combinations you can hope to see. And it’s cool. I love it. But…

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Lampooning of Rob Van Vuuren

ROB VAN VUUREN – Actor / Writer / Director / Comedian / Presenter / better known as Twakkie from Corne and Twakkie’s Most Amazing Show to those stoners and students out there….

In honour of his birthday (last month), we are proud to announce, The Comedy Roast of Rob Van Vuuren….

Well, The “What would be called a Roast if Comedy Central hadn’t copyrighted the wording so we shall call it the LAMPOONING of Rob Van Vuuren”… coz that sounds more impressive. Somehow…. 

Host: – MARTIN EVANS (aka @hellpants)
Deus:
LOUW VENTER (aka Corne of The Most Amazing Show)
DEEP FRIED MAN (aka that guitar playing comic in a hat)
PAUL SNODGRASS (aka angry ginger comic)
SIV NGESI (aka Pretty Boy and my Roommate)
– GEORGE VAN DER SPUY (from Taxi Violence)

Win With Random High Fives

I’m giving away TWO sets of double tickets to the Roast of Rob.

Now I know you would have gone anyway, so that’s R100 bucks you save to buy more alcohol – and Mercury has pretty cheap drinks, so this is your ticket to a GREAT night.

All you have to do is tell me WHY you need to save R100 bucks or WHY you need to drink more, or WHY you need to laugh by ROASTING YOURSELF. The funniest roast wins… not the most emo.

(No one needs to play the blood violin)

Enter by TWEETING ME with the Hashtag #RoastOfRobVanV or leaving a comment on this post.

See you tomorrow night.

*roasting high five*

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Blacktop Live Rally – Random High Five 2

The guys on the Black Top Live Rally, Powered by Ford have sent me their latest *high five*

Peter from TopCar was brave enough to do the Blacktop Rally in a KTM X-Bow. For those who don’t know (or can’t tell,) it doesn’t have a roof, windshield or anything else really besides an engine, wheels and two seats wrapped in a carbon fiber shell.

So when rain hit during the 500-odd km journey from Bloem to East London today, it’s no surprise a high-five was in order after the ordeal was over…

What crazy dudes.

There’s a video of the X-Bow on blacktoplive.co.za #BlackTopLive

WIN with TomTom Navigation:

Because the Black Top Rally is such a WIN of a moment –  They have assured me that they will be throwing up lots of random high fives.

Over the next week, up till the 4th May – They will be sending me a “random high five” from the road every day… and have collaborated with the awesome people at TomTom to give one of YOU a free TomTom.

All you have to do is TWEET ME a photo of an epic random high five with the hashtag #BlackTopLive (so we can find it) and we’ll choose the best one. 

Check back here daily to see the Random High Five of the BlackTopLive rally, and I’ll be putting up the best submissions from you guys too.

Competition ends on 4th May 2012.

Get high fiving… and let TomTom help your palms find one another.

For news updates, photos and video, visit www.blacktoplive.co.za

*high five*

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Petition for Life is Savage to be Hot again:

So this just happened.

Life is Savage, the blogger and twitter fiend is no enemy of mirrors. We love him for it. We love him so much in fact that his little avatar drifts up my twitter feed and I smile softly as it floats past… thanking God, Allah and Tom Cruise for inventing abs, pecs, brown skin and then throwing water over that creation.

Exhibit A: Life is Savage - Your happy place.

I then thought I should draw attention to this with an innocent perve tweet.

And then it backfired.

In a moment of Maiden modesty (or boyish defiance) Savage changed his profile picture (the very OPPOSITE of what I wanted…) to this:

New daddy

Now whilst that photo might still exite and allure me, it’s for ALL the wrong reasons.

Ladies. Rise up. Petition. comment on this post to let our voices be heard.

BRING BACK THE OLD SURFING SAVAGE!!

It’s our turn to perve and objectify men. And they should damn well oblige.

*high five*

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BlackTopLive Rally Random High Five

The boys on the Black Top Rally have sent me their RANDOM HIGH FIVE of the day: 

Random High Five on the Black Top Rally

 

“At Phakisa race track in Welkom. Dave was monkeying around in the pit area so well that Gary (aka teddy) couldnt help riding past for a random high five.” #BlackTopLive

What is #BlackTopLive Rally:

Ford  Black Top Rally runs from 29 April until 4 May 2012 and will see teams trekking 3 500km of back roads, race-circuits and party venues across seven South African cities. Twitter’s own Brent Spilkin (@spillly), Dale Imerman (@idale) and Mark Hamburger (@Mhammies) They’re doing it all for charity. Check out the website to read all about it. Ford are donating R50 for every new follower they get… so do your good deed and go FOLLOW them. *high five*

WIN with TomTom Navigation

Over the next week, up till the 4th May – Black Top Rally will be sending me a “random high five” from the road every day… and have collaborated with the awesome people at TomTom to give one of YOU a free TomTom.

All you have to do is TWEET ME a photo of an epic random high five with the hashtag #BlackTopLive (so we can find it) and we’ll choose the best one. 

Check back here daily to see the Random High Five of the BlackTopLive rally, and I’ll be putting up the best submissions from you guys too.

Competition ends on 4th May 2012.

Get high fiving… and let TomTom help your palms find one another.

For news updates, photos and video, visit www.blacktoplive.co.za

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Black! Magic! Woman! Comedy Tour

Two Comedians and one Comedy Magician in a car for 7 hours… roadtripping to Mossel Bay, George, Knysna and Plettenberg Bay as part of our “Black Magic Woman” Garden Route Comedy Tour.

*you think you know. but you have no idea – this is MY diary of the roadtrip*

KG, Marcel and I left the Mother city at around 10am on an overcast Wednesday morning… taking the more scenic N1 route through Robertson we bopped along to my outdated and very scratched CDs that were remixing themselves into dubstep with all the jumps.

Who buys CDs after 1999? Not me – evidently. The boys are just lucky that I spared them from the abundance of Westlife and Backstreet Boys albums in my CD folder. Safetly nestled there since the days of my high-school obsessions.

Luckily I do still buy LOCAL CDs post “Mp3 apocalypse” era, so there were a few modern additions. The most popular CD of the trip turned out to be local legends The Dirty Skirts with ‘Homewrecker’ playing on repeat as part of our evening amp up ritual. “Let’s punch a hole in this Saturday night!”

Somewhere between Riversdale and Montagu we were stuck behind a fancy Volvo with the license plate “BANTU-WP” amused by the choice of douche-plate, we were triple amused as we overtook, by the fact that it was a WHITE GUY driving it. Bantu Van Der Merwe? Which begs the question… was it a stolen car? (We probably should have reported it instead of laughing our heads off.)

The first night at the swanky Bravo Lounge in Mossel Bay’s Casino went pretty well all considered. They’ve booked us to come back again which I guess is positive and speaks for itself. The venue is amazing, I wish we had more stages like that in Cape Town. It had a backstage, big screen TVs that showed our faces live around the walls and a nicely elevated stage.

Marcel during soundcheck on the Bravo Lounge Stage

KG killed with his normal consistency and Marcel was on top form as headliner. My own self critique says I did “Ok” as my first ever time hosting. My second set was much stronger than my opening bit, once my nerves had settled and the audience had got used to me. Hosting is a different experience but I’m glad I finally bit the bullet and attempted it. I have a long way to go, and lots to learn but it’s nice having 3 or 4 times on stage to try out different 5 -10 min sets all through the evening. Much more liberating to be able to work through all your material… however. It can backfire…

I did manage to offend a fair chunk of the (what I have since found out) was the bible belt with my “Guardian Angels are like Car Guards” closing rant. I had the audience with me right until that moment. And then you can’t abandon a bit in the middle so I pushed through it with one or two people killing themselves laughing, and the rest staring at me mutely. I had a middle aged woman berate me for my blaspheming after the show. *eye roll and face palm* I guess I’m just grateful I wasn’t showered with holy water. My jacket was dry clean only.

Honestly though. I did feel bad that I’d offended them. I’ve performed it in both Joburg and Cape Town with great success in the past. There was nothing blasphemous about my rant in my opinion. I do not negate the existence of angels (obviously, it’s my NAME) nor do I claim atheism in any avenue is accurate. I don’t intend to open up a religious debate, but I know in my heart that I’m not violating my beliefs and will leave it at that.

The silver lining is that I’ve now learnt that some bits DON’T always work, even if you have the audience on your side. And that’s invaluable. Will I ever learn when a certain bit is appropriate and another bit not? Probably not. But I suppose most of my comedy idols are offending someone, somewhere – so you can’t please all of the people all of the time.

Besides, one or two people in the audience were laughing. Hard. And to them I say a silent thank you and mental high five. *you get me*

KG, Angel, Marcel - Post show at the Bravo Lounge in Mossel Bay

Post show was full of lots of high fives, shots of Jagers and chats. We eventually made our way back to the big pimpin BEACH HOUSE accomodation (what what!) that Marcel’s family had lent us to give our pillows head.

KG on our Beach House Balcony in Glentana near George

The following day we rolled into the lagoon town of Knysna to try and hustle a potential show.  Turns out sleepy Garden Route Towns don’t like to be hustled. Despite the 2 week warning we’d given them – they seemed completely unprepared for us.

The positive was that we got to meet and greet all the ‘hot’ venues and have canvassed the way for comedy in the future. These towns have never considered stand-up as an entertainment option and there is a great niche to be carved for the Cape Town comics to create a viable circuit up there… watch this space.

Thursday night was the gig we were all looking forward to: Zanzibar in George.

We're Big in George baby - KG

After a day of hard hustle we (rather exhaustedly) rolled into the long narrow venue (that is made out of a train carriage) to be greeted by high energy, cheap drinks and very excited faces. The club had set out the perfect layout of about 10 rows of chairs stage middle and then tables toward the back. Each table was pre-booked and even had signs with our poster on them.

Our faces on the tables.

It was one of those awesome packed gigs where the crowd starts cheering and laughing as soon as you open your mouth. They heckled, and then killed themselves laughing as you shot down the heckler. It was a combination of a start of the long weekend, R5 a shot alcohol and a small town who was stoked to have some different entertainment. Some of the kids even came up to me afterwards to say it’s the first live comedy they’d ever seen in George. *aww*

All in all – we were treated like rock-stars. With shots being delivered on stage and lots of cheering. KG was undoubtedly the biggest rock-star of the night. (And I mean that both figuratively and literally) as the pure white crowd cheered anything he said with pep-rally like fervour. Even when he called them “mother fucking racists” and mistakenly addressed them as Mossel Bay, when they yelled ‘George’ he replied “Who the fuck is George?” to further cheers.

Marcel’s table tricks that he performed around the club after the show baffled the drunk kids AND myself and KG. That shit is impressive, yo. It’s like real magic.

The night ended like all good nights should. With us pretending to be in a car (complete with sound effects) as we walked through the 24hr McDonald’s drive-thru. Yes, George has a McDonalds. Can’t be all bad.

We rounded off the trip with a night stop at my childhood home in Keurboomsstrand outside Plettenberg Bay – to see my Nanna AND to check in with the Plett night clubs that we’d emailed to canvass the town for future gigs.

Sunset in Keurbooms.

Plett was friggen freezing, and crawling with cop-cars (oddly enough). Marcel dazzled my Nanna with his magic tricks, and my Nanna dazzled KG with her wit. (He has promised her a 5 min set to open for his show when he’s back in Plett… She’s 83 and totally up for it. haha, Betty White, watch your back)

Shout out to the late great Mitch Hedburg for making us die with laughter on his Comedy Central Special late that night as we gathered round my laptop to round off a pretty awesome and successful Comedy road trip.

We made the 7hr roadtrip back in one piece. KG revealed that he’d had a stash of awesome CDs so we jammed to Kanye, Hugh Masekela and Bob Marley under the pink skies.

Bob Marley under an African Sky

Thank you Garden Route, KG, Marcel, Marcel’s family, my Nanna and all the people in Mossel Bay and George who came out to show us love.

We’ll be back very soon.

*Black Magic Woman high five*

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